Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML
Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
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Top comments
TinScarecrow 15
It's a common joke. No reason to get bent out of shape over it
ojoRojo 27
How does this eff your life, exactly? Sounds like a minor concern that was quickly clarified.
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
He's ******** in the pool?!?!
TinScarecrow 15
It's a common joke. No reason to get bent out of shape over it
Win 9
What is common to you may not be common to others. No need to assume and get “bent out of shape” over it.
TinScarecrow 15
They wrote an FML over it. I just pointed out it's a common phrase 🙄
ojoRojo 27
How does this eff your life, exactly? Sounds like a minor concern that was quickly clarified.
FinkiusMaximus 9
I used to think that expression referred to . . . depositing, er, potential children in the toilet. I was surprised people were so casual about it and how much of a necessity it often seemed.
AmbrosiaFan 19
YDI... I've known about that for many years...
bobsanction 18
You're old enough to have a child that has a boyfriend but didn't know that colloquialism? God save your children.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I heard that joke for the first time like 10 years ago and was also supper confused lmao :D
maiyapapaiya13 9
Pretty sure children means sperm and he’s gonna jack off and cum in the toilet😂
Jordan Wallace 3
are you that dumb