Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML
Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML
Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Pentium_4 27
man, being a dog would be quite the life. while you're cleaning up the mess they made, he/she is probably relaxing on the couch licking their privates
theWINDOWmonster 3
Why would you put it in the disposal? As opposed to something that makes more sense, like ohh.. the trash?
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Comments (46)
Pentium_4 27
man, being a dog would be quite the life. while you're cleaning up the mess they made, he/she is probably relaxing on the couch licking their privates
melchibr_fml 0
*Licking my privates... Me Gusta :}
LightningCactus 12
Sadly, dogs don't live as long as humans, and if they did, they'd be the greatest conmen of all time.
419 0
1 - While I agree that dogs have good lives, some cats do also! Especially mine, and yes, I know this is off topic, but you should see how well we treat my cats. We as well have to clean up their throw up, which usually happens way more often than it does with dogs. So being a dog + a cat would be very nice once in a while
mnmolino 14
Dogs can give themselves oral?!? I'm enlightened now!!!
nabila21 0
Giggity giggity alright~~~
Haven246 7
Crazy cat lady?
Haven246 7
Crazy cat lady...? Idk why people like cats, they're for old ladies, crazy people, and people who are allergic to dogs.
Frankinatore98 0
FIRST!!!!!
bobbybill0519 7
Sounds like a slimy situation. *inserts troll face here*
Swiftly 0
No.
Torva_fml 16
No.... To your comment... And **** NO to using your hand....
jtthegr8 26
Dog was probably around the corner laughing at you in his head
HSOMGF 5
Using the washing machine wasn't an option?
yummy_richkid 3
Nope, and neither was disposing of the vomit in the toilet.
LouisianaBob 9
or the trash. Why go for the garbage disposal?
WaywardDaughter 26
Some things just don't go in the garbage disposal. Pet vomit number one on that list...just think about all the bacteria that will go flying around the kitchen.
xxCandyKissxx 1
I think that would have been a great time to call a plumber :D
AyaneXx 6
Dogs always act innocent but they really plan it all in their heads and sit and laugh at us cleaning up their mess.
kut19 6
ydi for having an inside dog. They have fur for a reason.
b0ngs 7
....what the ****?
kut19 6
Dogs have fur because, prior to human enslavement, they lived outdoors and needed it to keep warm. DUHR! And since they don't have the same sanitation habits as humans, OP deserves to clean up dog waste for keeping it indoors.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Ahh, thank you Captain Hindsight for telling us what OP should have done with his dog. Keeping it INSIDE is so barberic, outside is much, much, MUCH better. Once again, thank you. Any more Hindsighted advice, Captain?
kut19 6
Wow. What's stuck up your anus?
THE_A_TEEN 28
KaySL's detachable penis mixed with the power of sarcasm. Don't ask about how it got there.
kut19 6
You may want to invest in this book: http://amzn.com/1879505215 You can thank me later.
crisco5105 1
Ohhhh no an hour. You must be exhausted!
flea_of_death 23
That is exactly what I thought when I read the fml...smh...
ihaveatightbutt 0
Wow is the dog ok?