Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML
Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I went to hug my husband and give him a kiss. He flinched away and asked what I was doing, because I apparently never hug him, so he thought I might be about to prank him or something. Now I feel bad. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
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Top comments
The_9th_Doctor 18
did you slap him?
confusedAsFuck 34
I feel another FML coming "Today, I was standing in line at a grocery store, and I saw my wife. I wanted to surprise kiss her on the neck. It wasn't my wife and I got bitch slapped. FML"
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Comments (123)
The_9th_Doctor 18
did you slap him?
confusedAsFuck 34
I feel another FML coming "Today, I was standing in line at a grocery store, and I saw my wife. I wanted to surprise kiss her on the neck. It wasn't my wife and I got bitch slapped. FML"
The_9th_Doctor 18
Hmmm. Truth you speak. wise you are.
euphoricness 28
That actually was an FML I believe, 34. I hope other people know I'm talking about lol. I think it was the exact same thing except OP was a girl and she wanted to surprise her husband and so she kissed him on the neck while he was cashiering or something Yeah hopefully I don't sound crazy...
lolita88_fml 27
I hope she did, what kind of creepy pervert just starts kissing a random woman's neck in public?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
So you're telling me, 48, you don't kiss a persons neck to say hello? I myself, go for the ear nibble for the polite way to say "Hi!", to a new person I meet. Of course you need to follow that up with a tongue in the ear canal to ask them how they've been. I don't know.. Maybe I'm just too nice?
Gingerette 8
You aren't too nice, 54. You are just the right amount of nice. I would sneak up behind you and rub your shoulders to communicate my approval, if I knew you.
RedPillSucks 33
@58 a tad creepy. I imagine that's what happened to OP. *ooo you so fine.... ooo ima nibble on yo neck.... yeah... aahh yeah sugga*
CallMeMcFeelii 14
If you ever see a guy walking around shirtless sporting a storm troopers mask, you'll now know it's me, 58. I'll never turn down a good ol' shoulder rub!
shellykjelly 26
Did you slap him with a banana?* it's a good source of potassium
becka2s 14
I remember seeing that #46! It was funny seeing the other persons FML haha
ClaireWinchester 17
Doctor Who reference?
Jessa91 10
Gross. I surely hope you gave them what they had coming.
Tiryth 10
Mega kick to the balls!
Welshite 40
It was a ghost. I have phantom kissers all the time. I don't know if that's my "forever alone" life trying to make me feel better, or if I'm just crazy.
badluckdawson 19
You're just crazy
Welshite 40
Awesome! :D I finally have an excuse for the police when I streak at football games. Wooo!
Tigerblossom 19
Well... That's not appropriate either. So I guess the statement still works.
WompWompWomp123 7
Uppercut him, then tell your husband.
mangalomelon 7
you goin to jail now
Axipiter 24
66, your comment has successfully destroyed the English language. It's a free-for-all! Raid all the libraries and bookstores and scoop up whatever dictionaries you can find! The apocalypse is here! Ugh...
mangalomelon 7
Oh, okay, 76. "You're goin' to jail now!" Please don't throw a dictionary at me. Those hurt :(.
Dontstealmyname 11
91, It's *going not goin'. If you're going to correct yourself, at least do a decent job at it.
graceinsheepwear 34
94, they used an apostrophe to indicate slang, so completely correct in that context. goin'
WompWompWomp123 7
Not if it's an "accidental" shoryuken.
Soloman212 28
In fact an apostrophe represents a missing letter, so really goin' is perfectly correct.
Wizardo 34
That's when you one inch punched him and called the police right? That's molestation right there.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I love how you said one inch punch. Going straight Bruce Lee on that creeper. Ki Ya! Sound effects, they do work.
freezeangel 11
or it could lead to rape
geekpower_fml 28
Yes, #83. In the middle of the store... Some people...
challan 19
Were you buying items to make sandwiches? You may have been his dream woman.
Enslaved 38
Did he freak out mistakenly thinking you were his wife? Or do we have a kissing bandit on the loose!? :P
Axipiter 24
This actually happened in my city. There was a random guy going up to girls and kissing them. It was kinda scary...
Cindale_87 16
Oh, that's just nasty... !
graceinsheepwear 34
When I was little, my mom played a "kissing bee" game with me. One day, my mom ran into the mother of a boy in my elementary school class and the boy's mom said that some girls kept chasing her poor Brian on the playground and saying they were kissing bees. Drats! Foiled again!
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Why is that not appropriate for your husband?
Life_is_FML 22
Uh a quick peck is ok but full on neck kissing is a little too sexual for public
BluKatz 11
"Mommy, why is that man eating that womans neck?"
jellydoughnut41 7
Zombies!
Chumbowamba 10
o.o my father is a zombie??
TheDrifter 24
Or a vampire.
unlucky_lucy 17
Some one wants you