Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
inolongercare 19
You picked a real winner there *sarcasm*
1dvos_grl3 21
Especially since she probably has no where else to go.
False_Stupidity 42
Now as soon as he starts to share his applejacks with you, you know that it's true love. At the moment, he just likes you.
MdMan2 23
That's pretty extreme, if I must say myself.
starlandmarie 22
I can feel the love you guys have. Real special connection. Seriously though....finding another place might be in you and your nipples best interest.
chocolatelover96 14
I'm British, and completely unfamiliar with what Apple Jacks are. Before I read the comments, I thought it was a euphemism for testicles lol
NicoleP1993 29
Had the same thing. Actually thought "I thought men liked it when you touched their balls...". Still haven't a clue what Apple Jacks are by the way, but I'm guessing a collectors toy or something?
laden_swallow09 35
Cold cereal.
CharlieM78 9
It's your choice to stay with a guy like that. YDI if you stay with him
worldclassrager 41
Apple jacks are the shit...if you like them that buy your own and put your name on it...
xthealanx 8
Get the **** out of there. Even if he was joking, that's some twisted shit to tell a lover
knights13z 21
A man has his priorities.