Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (162)
trunganhnguyen 4
tell him you eat what you like
ohSNAPyall 27
I second that.
laden_swallow09 35
Yeah, and the dog will eat whatever whose nipples are thrown at him.
ohSNAPyall 27
85 learned that the hard way.
imslappy 8
this is going to be fun to watch. where is the popcorn.
elizacandle 29
time to GTFO
drosek89 20
Buy a box of Apple Jacks, or whatever your favourite cereal is, and tell him the same thing.
ohSNAPyall 27
Copyjack.
tranced_ 45
things you listen to for accommodation!
TheBossBryson 11
Just eat the cheerios
Unbearable_fml 21
Time to move again.
SadSouthernBell 18
Even as a joke that's pretty messed up. Just don't touch the apple jacks until you find a more stable place to stay. Possibly a park bench...
FlutterLoud 29
Well I guess you shouldn't touch his applejacks o-o
teapotrevolt 27
Exactly, wtf happened to talking out your problems? All of a sudden the answer is to break up. Oh, he doesn't accept this one minuscule thing about you? Better dump each other right now. Haha ****