Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
JKPwnage 27
Calm down, he was probably joking
obliviongillette 18
Sounds like the starts of a good living arrangement and relationship. (If he's joking of course) My fiancé and I joke around like that all the time and we've been living together since day one for 5 years.
SaniK 17
Coolest guy ever, what a shi suprise!
rec_chem 22
Don't touch his ******* Apple jacks and you've nothing to worry about.
diggitydave 8
get your own damn apple jacks! or some captain crunch. whatever you like this is america.
buckdharma 38
Apple Jacks are begging to be stolen. Their name implies it.
habibexpress 5
I'm surprised you still call him boyfriend. Damn
ontheFLY4 25
You better leggo his Eggo's as well!
dntbeadouche 25
dude is serious about some apple jacks, eh? it's Ok I'm like that with my favorite cereal too. I'm sure he was kidding and just has a dark sense of humour
buckdharma 38
On a side note, there's a new cereal for dogs called Nipples-N- Bits.