Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
casey_ct 10
Apple Jacks are the shit...there like cheerios on crack
yolomama 7
Thank you!!! You made me laugh my ass off!!! That usually doesn't in this app!!!! I've had a long weekend and day!!! Thank you!!! Lol????
kalbrek009 20
If you're 18 or older, you needed to have a job & have moved out already...if you're under 18, what did you do for your parents to kick you out (aside from dating a probably, older "psycho" boyfriend who has his own place...or does this psycho still live with his parents)? Just asking.
hberri331 18
Your an idiot. Horrible things happen to ppl so they can't move out at 18. Not everyone has that luxury even if they have a job. It's a tough economy.
RedPillSucks 33
or sometimes people move out for trivial reasons. so maybe she can make up with her parents. not everything is doom and gloom
Kurby14 21
buy your favorite food and tell him he loses his dick if he touches it
hberri331 18
I would dump him for eating apple jacks. Who cares if he threatens you with bodily harm?!
drunkturtle 14
What's people here always jumping to the conclusion that breaking up is the way to go
morgasshk 14
sounds like a real healthy relationship....
Nessco 36
You guys are really confusing me. Apple Jacks is obviously a US thing. I had to google it and it came up with images of My little pony type dolls. There was something else about a beverage. WTF are Apple Jacks?
obliviongillette 18
It's a type of cereal.
TyJaxShifter 8
Think fruit loops that are only orange and green flavored Apple cinnamon
Aimeejasmine 15
Because there are 7 billion people on this earth and you don't have to settle for a nipple chopper
notsocute 11
Can't **** with the childhood cereal that's an line no one can cross