Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
slingerslasher 24
He probably was, let's be honest Apple Jacks are addictive as crack Apple cracks
Tthug 34
Maybe he keeps his drugs in the apple jacks box? I think you're onto something #13. Doesn't want her finding out how he makes his dough.
Ms_ValS 27
Haha OP that's bloody hilarious. It's just so fun when the person you live with and fall asleep next to threatens to sever parts of your body to be fed to the dog. Seriously though, if he seemed oddly in rage when he said it, he might have just given you a peek at his true colours.
I_see_your_anger 10
Apple Jacks are serious business.
weswheatley 14
I don't think OP should find out if he was serious
xDeadlyBlade99x 9
Well guys you know what they say: Home-Sweet-Home.
wRIPPERw 23
I doubt he was serious. I seriously hope not.
Hoopachi 19
If so then this could get very ugly.
DaBayst 15
Apple Jacks are serious business.
zinoxity 23
He was probably serious about her not touching his cereal. I hate it when roommates eat my food.
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Why so serious?☆
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
slingerslasher 24
I'm cuckoo for Apple jacks!!! wait shit wrong cereal still not sharing any of my Apple jacks though
JMichael 26
If any of you *******..touch my lucky charms, I'll bash your skull in with my pot of gold and then feed you to count chocula.
Meettitan 14
Lucky Charms look like cat food with marshmallows.
HoboRain 16
You have now effectively ruined luckey charms for me for the rest of my life...
knight2109 12
There is always cinnamon toast crunch.
marigoldcobain 21
Cap'n Crunch
briang959 47
Plot twist! She got kicked out of her parents house because she touched their apple jacks.
MrConcise 35
I'm repping cornflakes! Does that make me old?
jennlody 28
how about booty pebbles?
logicnazi 18
#49 it's ok cuz nobody eats the cat food anyway. #idoitforthemallows
kaylabunny1999 22
I actually hate the marshmallows
CanadiAnM8 24
Well, if you want a place to live, guess you can't eat any apple jacks.
MisterEx 28
Technically she can. She won't be able to tell if it's cold outside anymore though.
Hoopachi 19
Lucky Charms from here on out.
nataliewby 25
You don't know what happens when you touch a man's Apple Jacks, do you?
1dvos_grl3 21
I know what happens when a man touches my Apple Jacks.. Death.
moron011 12
Are we still talking about cereal here or...?
Niz_DD 14
We were talking about cereal?
bethrh 49
Wow, he doesn't **** around when it comes to cereal. FYL
littleking94 14
You can touch my apple jacks. Really though, that's ******
curiouslilbird 19
Either he has a really sick sense of humor, or he has some serious problems... :/
teentee401 37
You must've never eaten Applejacks
bigdfootball97 24
Not sure if that's innuendo or not…
reklawelyk 15
Pretty sure it's not
ZombieSazza 34
Well then, don't touch his Apple jacks!