Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. I also moved right back out, after I caught him sexting one of his coworkers just a few hours later. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
naturallyfuck 17
Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either
nkb94 18
Well shit. I hope he wasn't serious.
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Comments (162)
janfleury 19
Well don't touch the man's Jacks.
calerino 8
I was..... Probably kidding, still I would not touch his apple jacks.
daniellekimberly 23
Personally, I think apple jacks are disgusting. Fyl op
keyofdestiny13 24
Am I the only one here wondering what you did to get kicked out? Also, quotation marks around "chop" in your FML are unnecessary.
dakota555 8
Cereal Killer
Drosophila82 18
Not a very welcoming first night I guess.. You should suggest smashing his scrotum perhaps the imagery will be painfully comparable to his eloquent suggestion!. Asshole
britbrat237 14
are you sure he wasn't joking?XD
bebared 12
You don't touch a man jacks. Take a few a day and save them and by the end of the week you'll have a full bowl lol
thedarkshadoo 9
Now is when you start rethinking some decisions
Dexter83_fml 17
Leave him