Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
killersteve 0
That is horrible. I truly feel really bad for you. If you leave him (which is more likely at the moment) I hope that you remember that not all guys are like that.
waffles_128 0
wow that really sucks if you do split up, get custody someone who's gonna get drunk enough to puke in that kind of situation shouldn't have supervision of a child
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Comments (83)
FreedomFirst 0
#17 - Since you're such a genius, let me try to explain this carefully. 1st: He vomited ON her, not in front of her. Big difference. HUGE difference. 2nd: I'm very glad that the people in your life respect you enough to take your advice when you hint that they've had enough. Most of us aren't so lucky. 3rd: She did say it was to work on their failing marriage. No doubt this is the latest in a long string of outrageous behaviours.
ohdangsonkendra 0
#17 but she never puked on you, her husband did. and it also never said she was getting a divorce cause of it lol but anyway, that would be pretty nasty >.
aerosparrow 0
"Today, my wife hired a babysitter so we could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I ordered some wine to help make her incessant nagging more bearable, but I ended up drinking too much and throwing up all over her. FML"
braFTW 0
As if a failed marriage needed another failed experience like that... =( Next time stick with the simple by going to a motel/getaway trip and having lots of sex, if that doesn't work it's possible that there's no saving for you as a couple.
xlucklessloverx 0
so hows the marriage going after that?
Leviathan_fml 0
Sounds like you guys had fun. Why is this on FML???
mrcarmine 0
the babysitter or your husband? hahaha no but really, that could have been a fruitful bonding and repairing experience. i hope it went a long way for your marriage lol
tiltwrestler 0
Yeah, yeah, yeah.... but still, we should all love who we date for who they are. We shouldn't just date somebody for the hell of it, we should make sure we like them as a person first. Especially if they're married she should love him by now. Key to all relationship is changing up dates, and COMMUNICATION! Her taking him to a restaurant IS NOT CHANGE, and it is NOT exciting. Taking him on a roadtrip, or kayaking, or hanggliding, or rock climbing, or some exciting sh*t- THAT is what keeps relationships thriving and exciting! It makes you depend on each other for more than kisses- if you literally feel you guys are trusting each other with your lives, it will fix alot. it has for me in the past. and as for communication, well if she has a problem with him- no bickering or hating him for it in secret... tell him IMMEDIATELY when it happens! and tell him calmly and nicely, but truthfully! let him FIX it! he cant fix problems if he doesnt know! =============== 21 and 22: I swear to you that if she had thrown ON me it wouldn't have made a difference! I still would have loved her anyway.. ya dig
SlappyDog 0
Whoa, sounds like the story of my marriage. I'm divorced. Just sayin'....
Ashlie_Renee 0
You poor girl!