Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
killersteve 0
That is horrible. I truly feel really bad for you. If you leave him (which is more likely at the moment) I hope that you remember that not all guys are like that.
waffles_128 0
wow that really sucks if you do split up, get custody someone who's gonna get drunk enough to puke in that kind of situation shouldn't have supervision of a child
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Comments (83)
armspazm 0
Imagine reversed roles here. "Took my wife out to on a fancy date to help rekindle the marriage, she had one too many cosmos and ended up puking on me! After a night spent in the bathroom holding her hair and telling her everything is going to be ok, we're much closer now and remember how we used to always be there for eachother." While somehow this warrants a female lynchmob..... The only difference is perspective.
iamspartacus2 0
**** you #60. But still, maybe #61 is right- if he's going to get wasted when he should be working on the marriage, maybe he's a waste of time.
FoundManyLemons 0
Though this is one sided, I have a good guess as to why this marriage is failing, ya'know? DTMFA.
nikkiadiel 0
Well maybe you should work on your "failing marriage" instead of being on this website! Crappy FML.
hattar 0
And that is why ur marriage is failing!
maddog_fml 0
Sorry to say: your marriage is over LOL#65
maddog_fml 0
?
badass42 0
are you a cute single now?
abu3mair 0
whats the reason for mentioning the babysitter... you can afford one??
criminalreborn 0
ohh shit, hes a keeper