Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
It sucks that that happened, but it seems like you handled it more than appropriately. I would have left him with the check. Just be glad you're rid of him so you can find someone worth your time.
smartjaguargurl 17
Dang he fell asleep and puked after only 4 drinks? Glad you dodged that bullet.
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Comments (10)
ajh1800 25
It sucks that that happened, but it seems like you handled it more than appropriately. I would have left him with the check. Just be glad you're rid of him so you can find someone worth your time.
smartjaguargurl 17
Dang he fell asleep and puked after only 4 drinks? Glad you dodged that bullet.
bloopaloop 27
You must be really painful to listen to
BurnInDemonFire 39
Not as painful as it is to read your bullshit, pal. I'm 15 bottles of absinthe deep, and it still isn't numbing the pain. Or killing me.
RichardPencil 32
Trust me, he’s OK with that. When he saw you in person, he called an audible that drinking himself into a coma was the best “out.”
Erebolledo 11
Carlos?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Alejandro?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
At least this was the first date, and not years into a committed relationship.
Fishykoala 7
You’re right. That was needless to say