Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML
Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
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Top comments
key_2010 0
Yuck! At least he did it before you started having sex.
DocBastard 40
Or maybe the boyfriend was stinking drunk. *rereads FML* Just as I suspected. Or just as I read it, rather. Here is DocBastard's guide to commenting, free of charge. A) read the FML B) think about your comment C) write the comment D) proofread the comment E) submit the comment
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Comments (52)
mygreenhoodie 0
lol
sexybeastsexybea 0
ew I just pictured this.
orangetshirt 0
maybe if you lose those rolls you have, he wouldn't throw up. YDI for eating cheesecake.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
ooohh, kinkyy(;
breakofdawn1 0
exactly
thatgingerkid 0
number 12, your attempt at comedy amuses me
FMLephant 2
Did he give you a Cosby Sweater too?
Molord1 0
lol
KingDingALing 9
You and #1 are stupid for trying to get first by writing a short comment. The only difference is that you failed.
Me_iz_a_Bboy 0
Lmao #2.
flamegrilled123 3
kinky bitch
detolicious 2
in other words a keeper.
Wizardroxx 3
Eh, get over it. Maybe he wasn't feeling good or something. Doesn't necessarily mean that you looked horrible. :
DocBastard 40
Or maybe the boyfriend was stinking drunk. *rereads FML* Just as I suspected. Or just as I read it, rather. Here is DocBastard's guide to commenting, free of charge. A) read the FML B) think about your comment C) write the comment D) proofread the comment E) submit the comment
DropTheDaggerxx 31
What? People should actually think about their comment before writing it? That seems like an awful lot of work.. can't they just type useless, semi-coherent babble and submit it, therefore giving everyone else a bit of amusement?
Wizardroxx 3
Yeah I know. I read it wrong, tried to correct myself but it didn't go through, so I gave up! : Thanks though... -.-
crissyspic 0
I'd be pissed off! who does that?! I would've taken his head and put it in his own puke and make him clean it up, what a jackass
Yankeebby69 0
um, harsh much???
lBMTHl 0
Okay, you're clearly one of those psycho bitches I've been warned about..
mynameisshow 4
Lol, your just a bitch.
key_2010 0
Yuck! At least he did it before you started having sex.
Blackacre 0
You deserve better, don't waste your time with him.
alluneedisluv 0
def. what a horrible night/guy :(
BECK_OR 0
damn uz a sexy chic, a sexy chic. NWAT. bahahahahaha
ktrose 0
Wow.. You're absolutely right. **** your life. As if your boyfriend went and had a good time and got drunk but ended up getting sick when he got home! Lousy boyfriend.
momo1972 3
getting ready for marriage