Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He came to talk to me, and I was happy to help him through this tough time… until he drank a bottle of whiskey by himself. He flew into a drunken rage and started punching holes in the wall and throwing furniture. Now my house is wrecked. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
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Top comments
Iamthebanzai22 21
You seem rather shallow. First off, breaking up with a girl for that. Have you never done stupid stuff while drunk? Oh no, I guess you are Mr Perfect. OK, then we get to 'going out with friends and hooking up mere hours after breaking a girl's heart. But damn, then Karma kicks you right in the nuts. Bazinga, ************!!
ajh1800 25
Maybe look for someone who doesn't drink so much? Look at coffee shops instead of bars.
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Comments (24)
purplekanc 24
Karma works fast
manb91uk 22
Nice to see you didn't rebou.... Never mind...
ajh1800 25
Maybe look for someone who doesn't drink so much? Look at coffee shops instead of bars.
RichardPencil 32
Trolling AA meetings for dates tends to backfire.
Iamthebanzai22 21
You seem rather shallow. First off, breaking up with a girl for that. Have you never done stupid stuff while drunk? Oh no, I guess you are Mr Perfect. OK, then we get to 'going out with friends and hooking up mere hours after breaking a girl's heart. But damn, then Karma kicks you right in the nuts. Bazinga, ************!!
gar2014 23
I'm guessing he broke up with her cause stuff like this has happened on many occasions and this was the last straw , but dude find different women that aren't all about getting sloppy drunk !
Hempseed 27
This seems to be affecting you on a very personal level, at least, enough to make you visibly pissed about it. You wouldn't happen to be OP's ex, would you?
tounces7 28
You seem like a real piece of work.
tarabella 7
I don't date so i have to ask, is it normal to hook up with another woman hours after breaking up with the gf? Maybe it's just me but it seems like maybe even dudes should want a short break before moving on.
WeirdUS 30
Definetly not recommended. Never known anyone that jumped from one to the next and had it end well. Also, someone that is willing to go home with you that evening is a bad sign in general. For the OP, did you picked someone up at bar after ending for someone drinking too much?
rodfergie 18
It seems like you have a type.
childlessmother 16
Karma
Chazzster 32
OP - I assume you originally met both women in bars and they were heavy drinkers. Well it seems like you got the kind of fish you were fishing for - Heavy drinkers. If you want someone without that problem you are going to have to look elsewhere.