Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
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Top comments
killersteve 0
That is horrible. I truly feel really bad for you. If you leave him (which is more likely at the moment) I hope that you remember that not all guys are like that.
waffles_128 0
wow that really sucks if you do split up, get custody someone who's gonna get drunk enough to puke in that kind of situation shouldn't have supervision of a child
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Comments (83)
Lou_Briccant 0
Tell me more about the babysitter. I am intrigued...
tipple 0
That's really sucky. I'm sure that OP was really wanting them to spend time with each other, rather than one of them getting trashed. The way this is written, it sounds like marriage isn't the only thing that OP's husband is failing at. However, In his defence, perhaps he was having such a great time dining out, which might be something that hasn't happened for a while, that the alcohol just caught up with him unexpectedly. You know - they had Champagne, then some wine, and perhaps finished with an after-dinner drink. Definitely not the result that OP was looking for, but on its own, certainly not the basis of a divorce. If there is another time, I hope you get the other side of the coin, and you both a brilliant time together :o)
fleakfragfry 0
To #28- Yeah, hell yeah, dinner is lame. You gotta spend more money on him. Take him to Vegas. Buy him a car. Get him some hookers. After all, **** the kids, **** the bank account, we're all rich anyway, right.? The important thing is that HE gets to have a good time, and then maybe he'll see fit to show you a sliver of respect. I think it's time for some counseling. You can't talk through your problems if he can't remember the conversation.
MEGAJOSH 0
At least be thankful that he didn't shit on your face.
MEGAJOSH 0
At least be thankful that he didn't shit on your face.
kellster 2
Sounds like you're not the reason the marriage is failing. :/
SomethingWitty 0
Wow how many different ways can a story like this be told? So far I think it's three times a girl gets screwed over by a significant other. SHENANIGANS
56578 0
marriage counseling?
amy_shmamy 0
that was pretty anti-climatic
littlemuffet 0
Failed* marriage.