Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
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Top comments
rexgar2000 10
sounds like he had a great time. could've worse at least he didn't throw up on your dress.
Draxanoth 15
Merry Chri-(insert barfing noise here)
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Comments (108)
raghavfyl 0
par
dre_bro11 12
ty?
Justin23L 2
birdie
rcloca 10
Hopefully that little black dress still looks nice .;)
keepcaImcarryon 0
if you we're there with your husband, you should have taken away some of the alcohol from him. getting drunk in front of your boss and employee's is definitely not a nice thing!
erfia712 1
This is a really boring FML ... It happens all the time
jkmartinjk 16
Why couldn't you take the dress off if you were at home...?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#38 - She didn't say she was at home. Learn to read.
death_dolphin24 0
She never said it was black...
rcloca 10
-_-
Stealthed 8
She never said she was a she... Wait.. Wut?
n_epic_fail 14
He's probably a Martian, the can't hold their liquor very well.
rahavan 15
Well since your husband had fun and you cleaned up after him it's only fair that he gives you oral in return.
rexgar2000 10
sounds like he had a great time. could've worse at least he didn't throw up on your dress.
Happiness2Joy 3
OP sounds exactly like my mom since my dad always gets wasted at parties and ends up vomitting out of the window, the noise he makes is so digusting.
neesaun 10
Yeah...that would've truly FYL... Plus, you can hold this over his head... :p...
forkscop 0
I would feel bad for him, he'll probably get the worst hangover in his life :p
rattusrattus 19
If I was in that position? I'd put on really loud Christmas music. Presumably the husband made an ass of himself a million times over.
Katastrophe101 8
It's hard to feel sorry for someone who brings situations like these on themselves. My boyfriend likes to let loose on the weekends then always bitches and complains about feeling like crap the next day. I give him advil a glass of water and tell him to stfu cause it's his own fault. :)
Draxanoth 15
Merry Chri-(insert barfing noise here)
smirnoff1695 0
Something similar happened to me, it was quite rancid. Haha have fun cleaning it.
brock329 3
Nice
danomite11 0
Yep. Mee too
alexh15 13
Say good morning, really loudly...
Doortje 30
Yeah, that'll show him! ...
Maxine17 8
Ew
daydreamer244 13
What kind of drinks did they serve!?
rattusrattus 19
Rum and coke, at a ratio of 46:1.
ikickgingers 15
My office Christmas / Holiday party is open bar... 7 and 7's all night mmmm
sikmunkee 9
geez, how drunk was he?
Ferretface 13
Enough to vomit.