Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home after a rough day and was really looking forward to some cuddles from my cat. I opened the door and she came running toward me, which was unusual, so I knelt down to embrace her. She ran right past me to get to the tuna sandwich I'd unwittingly dropped on the floor. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML
Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
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Top comments
WittyMoron 22
The classic shit-and-run. That's what I'm talking about.
Fuaaad1994 31
Looks like you own a troll cat
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Comments (81)
Fuaaad1994 31
Looks like you own a troll cat
A07 48
I've been distant towards my cat all day ever since I read this fml.
TheNewGuy03 29
I don't think your cat is feline you
WittyMoron 22
The classic shit-and-run. That's what I'm talking about.
junjunbun 28
You truly are a witty moron #3, still, your comment made my day. :P
krazy789 28
#29 why did you have to call him a moron though?
Allornone 35
because that's his user name
Tantien 8
Lol. Moron
kaybessxo 16
she's probably sick, or doesn't feel well. Cats use that kind of stuff (as gross as it is lol) to vocalize if they don't feel well. Like, "hey mom/dad I don't feel good so I'm gonna shit on you so you know." Still gross non the less, op, so fyl definitely lol. Hope your kitties ok!
Mightytall 35
That's exactly it. She came for comfort because she's not feeling well. Take the cat to the vet and she'll be back to her normal self as soon as she's healthy.
SnoochBoochie 14
Her normal, "I don't care about you or any other humans" self in no time.
ConfusedCat 11
Finally, a smart person.
WAKingUP91 11
a literal list of reasons why cats suuuuuuuck right here.
fsomelife 26
Shit and run.
citrusglass 22
You seriously need to be more creative.
WolfsScar 15
What the **** even are cats?
ragnarok1540 39
Apparently they are small, furry, domesticated, carnivorous mammals that are sometimes kept as pets/domestic companions.
SmittyJA24 26
I agree. How could God / Mother Nature create something so damn cute yet be so ******* destructive & obnoxious? I'm not the author of "101 Uses For A Dead Cat"... but I could have been.
The_ghetto_mango 25
#6, cats are a member of the genus Felis. The species, Felis catus, is related to the lion, tiger, jaguar, and other feline mammals. They are commonly kept as pets, and have been bred into thousands of breeds. The most common type of cat is the Domestic Short/Longhair, which is the one you are most likely to come across. There is also Persians, Siamese, Ragdoll, ect... Cats are carnivores, but are sometimes found eating grass (or catnip). Like many of it's relatives, the cat has whiskers, which help it feel along in the dark. Cats also have retractable claws, unlike dogs. They can also see color, but not as well as humans can. They come in many different colors, and the patterns of their fur is classified into six basic varieties: tabby, solid, bicolor, tortoiseshell, calico/tricolor, and colorpoint.
dman798 18
Would a dog have done that to you?
Shade1982 21
Yes, dogs do that all the time.
nonsensical 26
I've never seen a dog do that and I had one for 12 years...
ragnarok1540 39
A dog might at least attempt to help clean it up by leaving shredded toilet paper everywhere ...
oasis359 13
yes a dog would, but instead of running away he would just eat it.
bahreaze 2
I groom dogs and this happens at least once every day. Dogs are nervous poopers.
Denise1988 13
My dog got sick once and barged in my lap.
ConfusedCat 11
You're obviously an idiot. If you knew anything at all about animals, you'd know that the cat was seeking comfort and alerting his/her owner because he/she is not feeling well. Stop trying to glorify dogs and shut up.
WAKingUP91 11
#60 you're obviously being overly defensive about a shitty as little animal and feel the need to berate a human being over something that LITERALLY does not matter. you're obviously a piece of shit.
couchcat 25
Now there is a reason why dogs are man's best friend and not cats.
proudsock 17
coming from someone who works in a dog kennel for a living; I can definitely tell you dogs do stuff like this just like the cat did. I can't count how many times I've been peed on or projectile pooped on by small dogs that were angry at me lol.
couchcat 25
Haha alright I can tell when I've been beat. Touché
Goblin182 27
Kind of YDI for trusting your cat when she is acting different.
jocamo 24
Obviously she was trying to tell OP she was sick. She very possibly didn't mean to crap on OP and ran away because either she was ashamed or OP understandably could have yelled and scared her into running. Not all cats are diabolical little *****.
ragnarok1540 39
Maybe it's time to change that gravel print bed spread ... it may have looked nice in the store but to your cat it just looks like a giant litter box.