Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Added protein
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Welcome!
Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML
Sorry, little dude
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Minty freshness
Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Top comments
DinosaursAreCool_fml 8
That's nasty (Cleveland voice)
shellzy 20
Oh god...I just threw up a little. Cockroach free at least.
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Comments (371)
Blissfull_Sin 7
Gross... That's not cool
LiveLaughFML 10
you could only get away with that if you were a resident at Hogwarts.
DrDilllonReese 12
Did the fact that you threw up a cockroach make you throw up again? Because I know it almost made me throw up.
Zya_fml 8
Why would it ever be cool anyways?
Princessx3Jamie 0
if you throw up a little each time you brush your teeth and tounge doesn't that defeat the purpose of cleaning ypur mouth anyway lol?
DrDilllonReese 12
Yeah, that occurred to me also. Throwing up while brushing your teeth shouldn't come off as usual
EvilPotato 15
Stop eating cockroaches then OP.
SirEBC 7
Pretty sure OP meant that gagging was usual, not throwing up. Lrn2read. Oh, and hello thread jackers.
DrDilllonReese 12
41- when she said throwing up the cockroach was unusual she implied that throwing up with no cockroach is usual. Lrn2read.
slick5880 22
Kinda sounds like an orbits gum commercial.
LiveLaughFML 10
#44: clean it up with Orbit! now in new, styling packs.
akallaan 7
I'm surprised it's an everyday occurrence for OP to gag themselves till they "throw up a little."
EvilPotato 15
41 there's so many errors in your comment, to save yourself the humiliation I won't point any out.
You_Need_Soap 6
Perhaps the fact that your gaping hole is a vomit haven is the reason you have roaches vacationing there.
thesoccerone7 3
Let's take a look at her sentence for a second, the "as usual" came directly after "while I was brushing my tongue, I gagged" thus meaning the gagging while cleaning her tongue was usual. Now if the statement had said "and as usual, I threw up a little" that would indicate throwing up was usual. So before you begin to bash others for learning to read, make sure you learn the English language first.
SirEBC 7
/me sighs I told myself I wouldn't do this; however, it has been too long, and though I do not have my counterparts here to help fight for this lost cause, I will battle valiantly until either the stupid overtakes me, or some kind deity comes and deletes the comments. Fire away. Please point out my alleged numerous errors. And Drwhateveritis, feel free to join. /me wields sword and shield Edit: It looks like 95 has some sense, unlike the majority here.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
well.. how'd the little critter get in their? ^_^
Alleged_Cranium 7
Dead or alive?
hotPinklipstick 24
It's been proven that people swollow insects all the time without knowing it, up to 10 a day. Considering OP just woke up, the cockroach more than likely crawled in his/her mouth while he/she was asleep. It's not unusual.
urdirtyolduncle 15
^ So I'm not really vegetarian? Oh, the humanity!!
indianguyinuk 12
are you trying to give us nightmares #109
welandedonthemoo 5
So true. I heard about that
IndiRae 9
109- whether or not it's a common thing doesn't make it any less ******* discusting. If I puked up a cockroach, and someone looked at me and said that it was a pretty normal thing and that there was likely nine more in my stomach, it wouldn't make things ok. And I've gagged while brushing my teeth before, but never thrown up, I think OP needs to take their extreme brushing down a couple notches.
yazmi_09 3
I'm sleeping with a mouth cover now ????????
Blissfull_Sin 7
Yea ... I heard that happens alot Also.. But it doesn't make ne less disgusting. I also heard it happens more with spiders tho.. But I could be wrong.
julz0125 5
Not necessarily an extreme brushing problem...some people have a strong gag reflex and puke...my friends daughter is like that
RomoniReed 6
No, 114 it actually happens. More than you know.
RacerX1695 1
OP is a demon, and how did they not notice it in the shower?
eaglesfootball 1
Idk probably cause she didn't know it was in her stomach at the time?...
hotPinklipstick 24
118 I never said it isn't gross, I just stated it's not unusual. I find it quite horrifying actually.
iloveboyswittats 10
Actually the swallowing a bug thing is a myth. A college professor started it to see how many people he could convince. It was an experiment to see how many people never check the sources of information and simply believe what they hear.
mikeyb102 0
Since when is throwing up when you brush your teeth normal?
amayasoma 19
That's disgusting. That makes me scared to go to sleep now after reading this.
kandiman 5
Or maybe what you are saying is a myth. Unless you spoke to the professor yourself how do you even know the truth? A wise person once said Google can give you 30,000 answers to one question. A librarian can give you the right one.
dontpanic_fml 32
Type "8 spiders a year" into Snopes, 245. I'd believe Snopes over a librarian any day.
Trilogy 1
That's disgusting you sick little demented child; Eating bugs and shit. Hmmm
gregorrok1 0
It wouldn't be too unusual except that cockroaches are massive insects not to mention disgusting...
shelbygordon44 7
I wonder if the OP just happened to have his girlfriend put a reward system for him when he brushes his teeth...
LindseyLunatic 8
then why do i always wake up hungry? >.> i must be eating the skinny bugs. hmph.
tnigz 3
109 its 10 a year not per nighta
Beanzii 0
It's not that you eat the bugs in your sleep, you eat them in your food. That can of soup you opened yeah those carrots had spiders on them at one point and maybe the spiders little leg came off and stuck onto it. Aka spider leg in soup. It happens alot with chocolate, just think about how things are made, who is looking for daddy long legs? The cockroach is gross though, that would have had to be in whatever they ate before they went to bed. Maybe it dropped in their late night cereal and OP thought it was just a coco puff.
Scands_59 14
Don't say that! The area I live in has a very big population of scorpions...:'(
bamagrl410 31
I believe 220 is correct. My roommate recently studied that in her health class. Bugs don't actually crawl in your mouth as you sleep. Well... unless you're the OP... but they do end up processed in your food. She then told me that spiders are most commonly processed in peanut butter. Mmm protein.
ChrisTheCalm 9
Yes, she is. Who's gonna start duct taping there mouth shut at night? Me!!
bootje 5
so... 220.... this is what you...... heard?
sweet_blue 3
My sister in law and her husband gag atleast 5 times when they brush their teeth. It's pretty gross
WutzButz 3
Actually i often gag while brushing my teeth, once or twice i even threw up stomach fluid. I really am that sensible to things in my mouth. Guess no deepthroating for my guy.
goneyetalive 0
pic.??
crazyladydaisy 4
Oh, thank god. Lol
VIPwhenever 15
Wouldn't the bugs be dissolved by your stomach acid?
randomcrazyguy 17
Time to sleep with one of those doctor mask things
SorryForYourLoss 9
That was actually a scam to show that people believe anything that they see on the internet
littlesoul 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How does it taste like?
Red7646 0
Minty fresh?
kewlkate 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I assume you meant: "How does it taste, like...?"
robertlovespi 3
Punctuation nazi
NeatNit 33
Actually it's an undercover grammer nazi. It's disguised as an extremely typo-tolerant punctuation nazi.
baconstrips 12
Thats just gross
themacuser 0
47 If I was cheese, I'd wear a hat too.
youngbuck10 9
I think you meant GRAMMAR nazi. Thanks!
EdwardJayms 0
Grammar shouldn't be in all capital letters, in fact in the middle of a sentence it shouldn't be in capital letters at all ;)
luvppl 6
Actually, while "grammar" doesn't need to be capitalized, it needs to be in quotation marks to signify that it is not being used for its definition. Sorry, I'm not a grammar nazi, but I had to join in on this thread. I'm sure it's better than me saying, "C-C-COMBO BREAKER!" :P
faithxoxox 1
Actually, it would be "grammatical nazi". 'Nuff said.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
the comments above made me laugh more than the actual post lol
caos901atgmail 0
Nice one
GrammarNaziFTW 0
No comment.
Mewzakuro240 0
Probably about as good as good as your grammar, cowboy.
Dreamkiller51 5
2- just take Timon & Pumba's word "it taste like chicken"
luvppl 6
232 - Touché, my friend.
g0bak3acake 0
280- hahahahaha is actually grammar nazi!! that's funny
xNephilim 19
Am I the only one who noticed it should say "what does it taste like?" or "how does it taste?" and not "how does it taste like?"?
missalkali 8
no smarty. there was about a dozen comments on the topic. forget think before you you speak, read before you type, bro! reeeeaaaaddd!!!
TrippingOnAcid 29
#366 The Americans seem to do it all the time. "How I think my hair looks like"..."How my hair really looks like" They seem to think that's okay.
shellzy 20
Oh god...I just threw up a little. Cockroach free at least.
DoubleDose 0
That happened to me once, except I threw up a family of spiders. Let's just say my arachnophobia had a field day. (they were live spiders and a few tried webbing back into my mouth
chelseaaababyyy 17
oh my god, thats horrifying.
shootintacos 0
someone bury 53's comment. PLEASE.
WhySoMad 0
Your a sick person
BballHottie34 9
thats so gross!! i would have thrown up again after realizing that was inside of me. ewww
missmady 0
does anybody else have a hard time believing 53's comment?
gunmania0 12
Yes 139. I also have a hard time believing that that is you in your display picture.
shootintacos 0
Christ on a jetski, 53's comment is as bad as 3 guys 1 baby. O_o
FrostHeart 36
Their both like guns! 1 ****(roach) and they blow!
NEEPLES 7
69 thumbs up!!
MeMareeh 0
Love '' Christ on a jetski'' gotta remember that one :o)
Chloe2008 0
I would never be able to eat again.....
womanjesus 0
How can she stand throwing up every time she brushes her teeth.
raaachel12345 0
What, why?
stephan18 23
53s comment is not that hard to believe, I heard that people swallow at least 2 spiders a year, mostly in their sleep... nasty stuff.
satph 12
53- THAT'S ******* DISGUSTING!!!
Daralea 21
274, I think the gag is usual, but I certainly hope not throwing up...Else OP will be caught in a state of perpetually brushing his/her teeth.
DinosaursAreCool_fml 8
That's nasty (Cleveland voice)
JennaLuvr 0
Omg you just made my life
Bbhd05 0
Oh Noo! Gay dude from family guy voice.
KiddNYC1O 22
Mmm...(Guess voice)
SimoneDymond 3
GIGGITY
xSynergY 8
OP, your full of it.
Georgieeporgiee 9
I GOT A BURGER YAAY!
DalekScythe 0
What the deuce?! (Stewie voice)
donutdestroy 4
Haha, that was possibly funnier than the post.
belkinbra 12
Brushing your teeth... your doing it wrong.
speshlk37 13
Oh DinasaursAreCool, you're what the Spanish call, "El Terrreeblay..."
Iamaninchworm 0
199- when you brush your teeth your suppose to brush your tongue because bacteria grows on it.
someoneO_O 4
henennn Sweet! (peter laugh and voice)
labudamike 6
When I ready it I read it in my head with the Cleveland voice anyways before seeing the the words in the parenthesis
labudamike 6
When I ready it I read it in my head with the Cleveland voice anyways before seeing the the words in the parenthesis
Voqab 3
^ the old pedophile man in love with chris
SimoneDymond 3
GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO
crystalou_fml 3
Oh. My. God.
2ndSucks 15
Look. At. Her hair. No, but really. That was a useless comment. It's not even worth it to grammar nazi you.
borkchop1992 15
frikin balemic
ddrreeaa 0
Ghihf
EmreArslan 11
Isnt it supposed to be and showered. Cuz waking up showered sounds a bit weird ;)
hnz 13
Oh my! I'm wondering how did the cockroach went into your mouth
zolziski 11
She's from Singapore. Maybe English isn't her first language. If you understood what was meant, what does it matter?
superangryandy 2
That's Hong Kong retard.
NotDave 0
Singapore also belonged to the UK, dumbass.
eaglesfootball 1
I think the worst part is that she has no idea how it could have went into her mouth lol
zolziski 11
Pandamimo, I come from a country called South Africa. We were also colonized by the British and lived under their rule for quite some time. We have no less than 11 official languages, English being one of them. I can assure you that the majority of people in South Africa cannot speak English, let alone read or write it. So, actually, your point is invalid.
Crlnprz 11
damn what do they feed you?
krnpanda 2
Hope it wasnt still alive
MemeryRenae 0
Probably alive. You would feel it squirming around.
majorbob10 0
OH MY GOD! I JUST THREW UP A COCKROACH! Oh god, honey, you have to see a doctor about that! Who knows what that could have done! NO! THE WORLD OF FML MUST KNOW!
Somoajoe11 2
Huh pretty sure they carry diseases Dumbass
dragonshear 1
He said SERIOUS diseases. Learn to read before you call somebody a dumbass.
Plasmaxyz 5
Cockroaches can carry ecoli. (or however you spell it)
CrazyThyme 10
I think everyone hates you(((o(*???*)o)))?
ashes1005 0
Either way a disease is a disease ans hopefully it didnt lay eggs inaide her how gross would that be