Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Backfire
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Man's gotta have his biscuit
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML
This guy grudges
Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML
I'm knackered
Today, on my one day off from working in a bakery, my dad asked me to bake him a cake. I refused as I’m exhausted and didn’t want to bake. He then informed me it’s “not my choice” if I bake cakes or not, and if I want to keep living rent free in his house, I’ll “bake the fucking cake.” FML
Today, I witnessed my husband swat a coffee bean over and over again, all the while mistaking it for a fly. I then figured he probably has a lower IQ than I do, which wouldn't be so bad if mine wasn't a few points away from minor retardation. FML
Baker's dozen
Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML
Top comments
GirlYouNasty 11
Just tell him it's decaf.
Batterypost 23
Actually, most hamburgers are 100% beef, while ham is pork. The more you know.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (169)
GirlYouNasty 11
Just tell him it's decaf.
anythingmustbe 18
Names are so deceptive these days next you will be telling me that toad in the hole has no toad in it
thiscrazything 1
Maybe he meant the corn hole has no corn in it.
un1corns 15
Or, just read the list of ingredients to him.
kevinn95 0
Hahaha that made me laugh so hard
reddawn1985 12
Wait what's a hamburger made of then?!?!?!?
GirlYouNasty 11
136- don't tell me your really seriously asking this... Beef. Hamburgers are made of beef. Welcome to first grade.
gojira666 7
142- so im guessing sarcasm isnt your fortè
ermagherdaturdis 26
In my country we actually put coffee in coffee cake so this FML is not funny at all.
tony1891 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
there is Ham in hamburger That's why they call it HAMburger. Lol.
eb0ny 15
There's no ham in hamburgers. Unless the McDonalds employees have been hiding things from us.
Batterypost 23
Actually, most hamburgers are 100% beef, while ham is pork. The more you know.
daniel9299 0
hamburgers consist largely of beef.. you got that wrong didnt you tony
free2speak 14
The joke's on all of you since I'm pretty sure he meant there is "ham" in "HAMburger" as in saying there is "Sp" in "Speak".. why else would he emphasize it?
anythingmustbe 18
there is no ham is a hamburger it just means a burger with you out cheese
Wallowizard 1
I always thought they were named after Hamburg in Germany.
BunchieRules 31
Many assume they call it hamburger because of the city Hamburg, Germany. But I'm not actually sure if that's where the name comes from. And 5, congratulations on your first comment.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Not sure if troll, or just incredibly stupid.
Ninjasaurus18 9
27- Yeah, that's why. Some guy in Hamburg invented the hamburger and named it so.
ChickInGreenVans 12
What.. what are you on about??
whiterabbit420 4
27, 28, 44-- they're named after the hamburg steak. A beef dish consisting of ground beef (usually mixed with seasonings and sometimes onions) pressed into a patty, cooked and then served like a steak. Eventually someone got the idea to throw it on a bun, and thus was born the "hamburger"
tony1891 22
Yeah. I do realize hamburger does not have Ham in it people. -_-
nancyschmancy 9
Gosh, at least there are a few people here that get it.
Feared 9
I can't believe that this many people couldn't understand this joke. It was a bad joke, but an obvious attempt at one nonetheless.
devore504 7
i hope you joking if not f your parents life.
devore504 7
hamburgers are named for the city . i read it.in a history book
gurly98 13
You guys are dumbasses Hamburgers are 100% beef but they were made in HAMBURG GERMANY and its called a HAMBURGer
falon142012 22
some book said something about back in the caveman days, people used to just eat piles of raw meat. and they got the idea to cook it. and the location was somewhere around hamburg. but that's probably wrong. how would anyone know where cavemen first cooked meat? lol
CoconutOil 7
The question is, is there any burgers in a ham?!
LSUtigres 2
There is no ham in hamburgers...just like there isn't any dog in hot dogs. Just sayin
harp 9
The hamburg originated at Louie's in New Haven CT
Pigeon89 34
There's definitely ham in Hamburg- that much we know for certain :P
yaya1213 6
wow you guys really don't know sarcasm when you see it ad he literally meant HAMburger that's why he capitalized it
UltraRice 0
You guys overlook things. The letters "H", "A", and "M" are in consecutive order in the word "Hamburger". Get it now? It was a play on the word. Tony was referring to the spelling rather than a physical hamburger.
tony1891 22
Good grief people. Enough please. Feel like I'm being prosecuted. Lol. Where's the beef?!
SweetlyWyld 2
LOL Unfortunately sarcasm does not translate well online.
HairyPunisher 27
Yeah toni1891, while I'm sorry your sarcasm was misread, it honestly was a REALLY bad attempt at a joke. No offense man.
tony1891 22
It's Tony. No I at the end. Thanks.
BunchieRules 31
53 - Ah. It sounds like it would mean someone who lives in Hamburg, like a "Dubliner" lives in Dublin. Which means there really IS a Cheeseburg, Germany! :P
43bubba34 25
The ground meat used to make a hamburger, is also called hamburger. The ground meat was invented in Hamburg, Germany. The hamburger (the sandwich) was invented in New Haven, CT.
carriema 7
Mother of god, please tell me you're joking.
Cruisnic 1
Well unless a Chinese restaurant is serving hotdogs :D
tony1891 22
155- NO. we're not joking. Lol
IMcPwn 12
Then why are you "Lol"ing?
qchabs4lifeqc 7
Well they should change that cakes name...
XxHoPPoxX 8
Give him a dare
tswizz 13
It's called coffee cake, I don't know about you, but I don't see the word caffeine anywhere in its name.
ManInTheMachine 20
45-Coffee has caffine in it. Surely you know that. This is why the father-in-law thought coffee cake had caffine in it. And it can, but it didn't always. Like in OP's case.
ManInTheMachine 20
*doesn't
s15c 9
It's a coffee cake because you eat it with your coffee.
stormer461 13
It's called coffee cake because it goes well with coffee.
ManInTheMachine 20
Nordag: I see. Well, that was my mistake. Silly me! Talking about things I know nothing about. Oh, well. Off to the next FMLs!
I_lost_the_game 25
That's like saying you should change the name of 'hamburgers', because it doesn't have ham. The new name just wouldn't catch on.
MitchellK 3
One does not simply change a cakes name.
keepingitnasty 15
Enjoy it yourself, jokes on him.
MDM15 5
You should apologize over a cup of coffee...
somewizdom 15
Or by getting him an espresso machine.
anythingmustbe 18
Meh next time get the guy decaf coffee cake
ladyLALAA 29
More like next time get yourself a cake and tell him to go to hell!
Lizza330 28
Then why is it called coffee cake? I always thought that there was coffee in it.
GirlYouNasty 11
I think it's because coffee cake is often served at breakfast along with coffee.
mckibben 7
And many people dip cakes in coffee so they made a cake that would better accent the coffee. They call it coffee cake.
peachesncreem 21
Kind of like tea cake. You eat it with a nice cup of tea :)
BunchieRules 31
I'm pretty sure 11 is right, and they also go great with many other beverages, such as juice. All I really know about them is that they are delicious.
BunchieRules 31
12* I can't edit my comments on the Android app.
xleanne_aLly 23
It probably taste like coffee...
22cute 17
No it tastes nothing like coffee. Usually it tastes like cinnamon.
COLDB3AR 6
There is a little bit of coffee in coffee cake
MerrikBarbarian 9
11- it depends on the recipe used. Some coffee cakes are really more correctly just a pound or bunt cake... But some recipes do include a cup of cold coffee added to the batter. So you are half right. :)
igive 29
only if it's tiramisu (or however it's spelled)
manikkab0o 7
because it goes well with coffee
BunchieRules 31
41 - I was going to ask you which app you were using, because there are a few different FML apps available on the Android. Then I found the joke :P
MerrikBarbarian 9
109- no other varieties of coffee cake do include coffee as an ingredient besides tiramisu. That would be one of the more popular ones though
mckibben 7
Stuff like this happens all the time. French fries, French toast, not made in France, carrot cake, does not have carrots in it. There is many examples of this.
AliceLockehart 18
I put carrot in my carrot cake :/
mckibben 7
Well i know a lot of people who dont. Sorry. Was positive carrot cake never has actual carrots. Kinda ruins the texture of cake with the crunch of a carrot.
Evie_fml 14
Carrot cake has carrots in it. Coffee flavoured cake has coffee in it, but a "coffee cake" doesn't necessarily have coffee in it. Hamburgers sometimes have bacon, so close... I don't think he should have called her an idiot, that's just rude.
tikimuppet 11
There are carrots in carrot cake, and every time I have seen coffee cake there has been coffee in it. Maybe it's because in England we give things sensible names.
challan 19
French toast and French fries are called that because they were first made and France, and as everyone above has already commented carrots are in carrot cake. Crunchy? Carrots get soft when heated. Have you ever actually cooked before? Or for that matter, eaten?
gurly98 13
70- French fries were made in Belgium actually but you may be right about the French toast
Rebekkah1993 10
So does my grandmother ....of course...how could you have a carrot cake with out carrot?? :-)
AliceLockehart 18
Making carrot cake without carrot is like drinking decaffeinated coffee. You can do it, but why bother? Call me old fashioned but I don't like to substitute ingredients when I'm cooking unless I have no other choice.
CRrawsum 7
Carrot cake does have carrots in it...
dragondude2 7
I have yet to have a carrot cake without carrots in it . . . am I missing something? I'm pretty sure carrot cake without carrots is just a spice cake.
erin37 27
What kind of carrot cake are you eating? Of course carrot cake has carrot in it!
thesubconscious 9
I don't see the loss in this. Now you get it!
stevenmx86 8
13, every time I've had carrot cake it has actually had carrots in it..
Dracoboxer357 36
22- Had any girl scout cookies lately? ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
33 are they made with real girl scouts?