Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
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Comments (144)
iowa3jumpman23 0
paging doctor ******
purplemnm 9
hangover reference win
Boldmongoose 0
best movie ever
Blue_Coconuts 7
Better in your ass then up your dick. I took a buddy to get that shit done.. Holy ****!
Sukimaye 0
maby he's just playing
relyo 0
Apples do keep the doctor away. You have to eat them to get the benefit though. They don't work in reverse.
FYLDeep 26
what what in the butt
smartman136 8
only do they work if u have a good aim
Darraghscoot 0
lmao my friends are mature...........paging doctor ******:L:L
Fedor_is_KING 0
Your right about that 23, damn STD tests, makes one consider abstinence.
Xrandomkrisx 7
why did you use the apple a day saying?? are you eatting apples or shoving apples in your butt...
bwhahaha_fml 10
don't you know all doctors are perverts?
iSitt 0
better than doc sticking a finger
tehamericanboy94 0
@ 66 it's like the southpark, put an apple up your ass and shit it out your mouth.
cater2U 0
well atleast... uh... nope I've got nothing to say except it's just a cotton swab (not q-tip that's a brand) but yea that sucks and maybe you need to eat more apples
u_killed_kenny_ 0
ass raped with a q-tip!
StoryOfTheYear 15
lose some weight #4
LemonMan 0
#115 That was ******* mean.
StoryOfTheYear 15
not as mean as she was to that cow she ate
shutupgangstar 0
haha
P_to_the_AM 9
LMAO
evan_789 7
the apple has to eat you to work??
olenzo 0
hahaha that song is random
Gibby_fml 0
are you sure it was a qtip up your ass and not the doctors dick??? lmfao. it might be as small as a qtip.
noobgang7 5
nasty man. Why though
ad_astra_taurus 2
prolly all the sugar from the apples clogged her system.
llAllStarll 0
lol #3
karina_said 0
sounds like a party!
BizzaroG 0
Pfft I bet you enjoyed it
afatmonkey 0
That is possible. There are a lot of people who enjoy it. My neighbor often keeps his phone there, and my cousin is constantly wearing a strap on. (but backwards, and on the wrong side) And, as I've said before, Rosie O'Donald keeps the souls of small children up there. (so did Micheal Jackson, but he had the bodies there too)
cooluc 0
dammit 75, let mj RIP. he was never convicted of anything anyway
BlaqMetal13 0
Mj never ****** a kid. He tried to buy a childhood because he never had one. :)
afatmonkey 0
Calm down. He's dead. Nothing I say can hurt him now.
UberFail79 0
Wait, wait, monkey... You're my cousin?
myownenemy 0
Michael Jackson; they lied when they said that the good die young.
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
Ecnassianer 0
^ This. xD
Biohazard41 0
win
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
L-O-*******-L straight up win. score. bonus. credits. awesome.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
purplemnm 9
...where did I hear that? that sounds so familiar
longcat 0
It's from another fml
katmandont 0
lol - win
Fedor_is_KING 0
Damn, you stole my comment blaaaaakely LOL
foodman 0
ya other fml
purplemnm 9
oh ok then fml reference win! a major one too, cookie :D
Marques23 5
hey what's good?
youthink_fml 0
That was no q-tip.
knockasauras 0
Lawlzorzzz. 9 wins the thread
kinukle 0
no q tip, just his tiny penis lolololololol
Zills 0
he must be an Asian doctor
aardvarkish 17
Was he the orifice guy?
Godxboredx 0
rape?
idkweird 0
How did the apple cause that? Also, I can honestly say that I have never had a doctor put a Q-tip up my ass. What exactly was the reason for it?
Boldmongoose 0
For either a blood/ feces sample or to check for prostate cancer
bella_coza 0
I have had one,but i was pregnant so not the worst pain...suck it up OP
idkweird 0
Ok, I guess that makes sense. I don't remember them doing that to me when I was having issues...but the doctor put a finger up there. I was like, "WHOA!" Also, I couldn't imagine it to be THAT painful as a Q-tip is TINY!
bella_coza 0
exactly it's a q-tip,tiny little thing not even close to ******* your life..now if you actually had something wrong with your prostate that would be a FML.
TailsThePrower71 4
How colorful. As long as the doctor's side hobby isn't puppeteering, you're ok.
katmandont 0
Argh!!!! LOL - you made me blow hot coffee out my nose!