Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
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Top comments
shadowgamer_x 0
What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!
Althenias 0
try shaving, problem solved
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Comments (287)
Maximus_Axiom 7
welcome to the favorites :) suck it up princess
DjeePee 25
To avoid that every guy shaves off his pubes: some girls do find them sexy. Like me. Nothing wrong with trimming though, but completely bald? Naah, that's not my taste. OP, YDI. Now you might even have to deal with the fact that she will be disappointed if you don't cry, because that means she's not that good anymore. Being honest, that's a keyword in a relationship. (This should be in reply to 52)
poweredbyparamor 0
pussy! it doesnt hurt half that bad that you would need to start crying
nickk55 0
Actually lol'd
icic6772 0
Smooth
whitey317 0
If your a carpet then I'm guessing that was a hooker... Shave that shit
HushHushKeeKat 0
Dude... I'm imagining this guy having a tiny, delicate penis nestled inside a forest of gigantic, five-inch-long, wiry pubes.
moleSG 6
YDI, just tell her. Who knows, she might take that as advice and start accidentally yanking out others as well..
DennisC1975 4
Shh, don't tell anyone, please?
tjsomethin 9
I think it's pretty dumb that you call someone a 30 year old virgin and then make a random homosexual comment. Especially because you're 36 and you look like a fat asshole.
DennisC1975 4
It's my hand, hi is that gay? Now if I sucked my own **** that is debatable. And what does me being fat have anything to do with anything, in 36 years I have heard every fat comment you can dish out, It doesn't faze me in the least. I have been a correctional officer for 10 years and any fat comment you can think of will never challenge a convicts mind, need I say more on that subject?
Richard16 0
Win^
leadman1989 16
Why not just lose the weight?
pottsandpans 0
#4....I see what you did there...
Jesus_Christ69 0
Dude, you're number 100. Number 4 isn't going to see this. Go reply to number 4. Amateurs...