Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female contacts or she’d set my stuff on fire. Yes, that includes my mother. FML
Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
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Top comments
sxe_beast 11
"Paranoid wreck of a girlfriend" Why are you still with her?
Twisted_Angel 17
I'm curious, because I know when I text message my mom, it says "mom" on top of the message. do you have your mom in your phone under her name? because I'll tell ya, as a woman, if I saw my boyfriend get a text like that and it had a woman's name above it, I would be pretty upset too. Especially if I didn't know his mom's name.
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Comments (120)
sxe_beast 11
"Paranoid wreck of a girlfriend" Why are you still with her?
sxe_beast 11
They can be alone. They don't deserve to be with other people. Until they get their stuff together, seek professional help, and regain/gain sanity they shouldn't be with other people. Its unhealthy for everyone involved.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Forget her. ...that is, unless she's hot. Lol.
iluvwaffles42 0
maybe you shouldn't have your mom listed as "my sexy lady" in your contacts.
shannonreneee 11
She obviously has some underlying issues so support her and get her to seek help. But until she's confident in herself, you need to be single.
fatraptorjesus13 9
why do all these have thumb down?!?? they are all good points
fatraptorjesus13 9
why do all these have thumb down?!?? they are all good points
yummcookie 0
Maybe this was what revealed it to him, and he didn't know beforehand.
leadman1989 16
Just because they're paranoid doesn't mean that people aren't out to get them.
fakeaccountX 6
How the **** could she not tell the woman was your mom? All she had to do was see that the message was from a contact known as "Mom"...
Surewhatever 36
Not true! I have my mom listed by her name. Why, because she's totally psycho. I lost my phone once and the kind person that found it called the listing of "mom." She had the police looking for me and also showed up on my doorstep unannounced. Yeah, no.
sxe_beast 11
*Text message from Mother* GF: "WHO IS THIS MOTHER PERSON TEXTING YOU? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME? WTFFFFFF. YOU STUPID DOUCHE BAG! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH YOUR MOTHER! Whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?" *GF throws phone at wall breaking it* *GF has mental breakdown and cries so loud the OP's ears bleed*
Georgieeporgiee 9
18- I dont think so seen as his name on here is 'mummy dearest'...
Trololololololo_fml 7
Change your identity, move to a remote island on the Pacific ocean, hire bodyguards, build an underground shelter and break up with her using a remporary e-mail address, and make it seem like it was sent from Thailand. You can never be too safe from that kind of people.
buttercup_mcm 0
Lmbo!
ck11_fml 1
eh, I've stayed with a crazy chick before cause she was hot and I liked the sex. but she was a ******* crazy pill head and I eventually got around to dumping her. it's not all that easy to dump clingers.... they cling
Fr1d3 2
Dansker altså!
llamaslikesoda 21
#9 Hot or not, why date someone for their looks if they're going to drive you insane. Date someone for their personality instead of their "sexiness" and "attractiveness". Learn the way to treat someone for who they are, bud.
cherryleaf23 7
If she's so paranoid, why are you with her?
NeatNit 33
Isn't she listed as 'Mom' on your phone? Who the hell saves their mother's real name?
StoryOfTheYear 15
I do, it would be very easy for somebody to someday get ahold of my phone while it was unlocked and see that there is MOM right there. Then they just ask "what's the passcode to the alarm system" etc. I'm just the paranoid type though.
mrahhhhh 21
If trust is the material on which relationships are built, and gets stronger the more the 2 partners trust each other, then why do so many stand up despite being built on quicksand?
radiocaf 29
@mrahhhhh because quicksand only loosens when you move.
chiddy_bang71 0
YDI. Incest is wrong.
jjjaks 0
You're stupid.
MrSassypants 34
Incest is fun for the whole family.... now that I made things weird, you read the FML wrong. I act weird then tell you what you did wrong to say this sentence to confuse people. :D
chiddy_bang71 0
Trololo
otb113 7
drop her.
Twisted_Angel 17
I'm curious, because I know when I text message my mom, it says "mom" on top of the message. do you have your mom in your phone under her name? because I'll tell ya, as a woman, if I saw my boyfriend get a text like that and it had a woman's name above it, I would be pretty upset too. Especially if I didn't know his mom's name.
yummcookie 0
Mine's listed as her actual name, but I'm not retarded and my girlfriend knows her.
StaigeJ 0
Ask about it before freaking out though cause it could be something small
ReleaseTheKraken 4
My moms name in my phone is lifegiver. I think that's pretty pbvious
Trololololololo_fml 7
Is your dad saved as 'The seed provider'?
CaroAurelia 12
True, but it may have behooved her to ask before storming out, which it doesn't sound like she did.
JojoChuo 8
Well if she's jealous and paranoid, atleast you know she cares about you :)
aeshleyrose 6
Actually all he can take from that is that she's a psycho. Jealousy has more to do with the person's own insecurities than the strength of their feelings for their partners. Plus, she's just his girlfriend and he's describing her that way? Not sure they'll make it down the aisle.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
You're dating her because....
havocmike 3
That never changes. Dump her immediately and find someone without trust issues.
aeshleyrose 6
Right?!? I can't understand what amazing quality she must have that makes him stay with her. If i had to guess, it's probably something involving blowjobbing, but that's just a stab in the dark.
StaigeJ 0
Do you think thats all guys care about?
ThatSpartanChick 0
Might as well break up with her now..as soon as u get a female friend or coworker she'll just assume youre cheating anyway -_-