Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML
Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML
Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML
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Top comments
Hollywoodgirl79 18
This is why we need better sex education not just "abstinence only"
JadeWinter 16
So... Your brother is a virgin then.
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Comments (62)
Hollywoodgirl79 18
This is why we need better sex education not just "abstinence only"
devildog562 33
You can't get pregnant your first time, in a hot tub , if you pull out , or if you wear a condom for the first half.
badluckalex 23
you stole this comment from 2 fmls ago lol
xx000o 27
Imagine how many half-chick-half-dudes would be walking around if her brother ruled the world.
Cruzg2017 18
#28, You're 26 and you believe that?
LittleBastard 20
#33 I'm pretty sure he was joking. The extra serious people strike once again..
Akouseur 7
It's actually possible to be WORSE than abstinence only. I discovered this. A free period/ovulation tracker has taught me more about my period than the sex ed class ever did. Example "you ovulate a few days before your period, don't have sex then and you WON'T get pregnant"
devildog562 33
And #33 wins the prize. If only comments could articulate sapping sarcasm properly! # 37 thanks for explaining.
I_Bite 22
#47 it is possible to get pregnant when you aren't ovulating, if you have sex 2-3 days before you start ovulating you can still get pregnant (less of a chance but you can) couldn't tell if you were kidding, just wanted to make sure you know :)
Akouseur 7
Oh I know. But I'm dead serious, the teacher said as long as you didn't have sex the few days before your period (what they claimed was ovulation) you would have no chance of getting pregnant. ._. And then I get the tracker app only to discover it's actually midway through your cycle, and that ovulation is just when you have the HIGHEST CHANCE of getting pregnant, not the only time it can happen. The also said your period only came a certain week every month. *sighs* They sucked. So badly. The also said the only "symptoms" of PMS were cramps. :|
SailorSolaris 43
Agreed, #1. My boyfriend's sex ed consisted of the teacher telling them "If we tell you not to have sex, you won't listen and we know it. Therefore, this is everything you need to know to be safe." So...yeah.
JadeWinter 16
So... Your brother is a virgin then.
Tuffmuffin 10
And an idiot
MegasaurusRex89 28
Classic case of cause and effect
tacopandaroo 12
Sex Ed at its finest.
lengi123 18
Or lack of...
TommyG493 11
Which half is the chick
Saikon1357 25
Hopefully the top
teentee401 37
What if it's split from head to toe? In that case, is it the left half or the right?
IvyOswin 17
Left. Because science.
TheSwegMaster69 11
What if it's split horizontally sideways? In that case, is it the front or the back?
Krirn 21
Just let him think that, it'll probably keep him abstinent or at least encourage him to use a condom.
SLTgirl 9
Hopefully abstinent, or at least not reproduce. I'm hoping he's really young - preteen at least so he can learn about sex since sex ed hasn't helped him yet.
jlnotary 33
Yes, because misinformation regarding sexual education is ALWAYS the best route to discourage unwanted outcomes and abstinence totally works as a solution. Note: sarcasm
Timmster007 23
Why would he even think that??
toxic_walrus 15
I would love to know where he found this information.
thevelociraptor 31
We can rule out sex ed class.
kyu_Q 19
Wikipedia perhaps. ..
AoC15 10
Friends
monstermatt001 13
Strange...
blackonblight 33
Let's hope he was trying to trick his friend into believing it. Then he's just an asshole, not lacking in common sense.
kittycat2007 18
common sense is far less common that people seem to think.
TanzWolf 26
I dunno guys; he might be on to something...
octopussperm125 18
So then using condoms must turn your genitals into latex instead?