Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
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Top comments
Peachy2392 26
Shouting "tail" isn't the worst thing she could say.
igive 29
And when she's fourteen, this will serve as an embarassing story.
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Comments (154)
Welshite 40
Did he tuck tail and run when he saw her.
boom_bitch 3
Or start shaking?
DarkKnight_1960 5
HA!
Peachy2392 26
Shouting "tail" isn't the worst thing she could say.
Robbieisadowg 16
She'll be surprised to learn that not everyone has a "tail".
sarah6786 14
Well, considering she's a girl I'm sure she knows that already.
Sports_guy3 28
agree with #2- better than the real word.
Aleys_fml 21
#31 she's only two there's no reasoning or common sense yet, she might not understand that only guys have a "tail"
Peachy2392 26
Actually, whether or not a two year old has developed some common sense and reasoning has a lot to do with what their parents have taught them. I'm not saying they have fully developed skills but parents can help them develop skills and common sense at a young age.
scooterdude720 19
#31 I hate saying this but some girls have "tails" too. PONYtails. :)
EvilLittleMan 23
I can see it now. She's at preschool and spots a little boy and shouts "tail" and he says, "Get away, you broke yours off."
RabbitOfAurora 28
118 your comment made me snort.
8born8 18
This reminds me of the kid from kindergarten cop with arnold Schwarzenegger; "Boys have a penis and girls have a ******." I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon enough OP.
dryersheet 11
Look on the bright side, its better than saying the real word..
MidnaLink 35
… or the swear word
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I don't know, a little girl running around pointing at everyone's crotch yelling "Penis!", sounds ******* adorable. Makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
MidnaLink 35
I meant "Dick".
toooldforthis 19
"it's called a ****"- Andy, previous FML
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Yeah, I knew what you meant. I'd prefer to think since she's so young and innocent, she wouldn't talk like a dirty stripper. That cuteness would go away pretty fast if she was yelling "Dick" instead.
igive 29
And when she's fourteen, this will serve as an embarassing story.
StompinOnCrayons 15
With free disturbing flashbacks and many more "oh god why" moments
SmuggletheBudgie 15
A good story for her 21st
dingleberrysteve 6
i dont think the average person remembers being a toddler unless shes a prodigy
skyeyez9 25
There are certain incidents I remember very well when I was a toddler. I am not a Prodigy, just average intelligence. But I do have a very good memory.
greeneyebeauty9 28
This will be a tough one to explain..
AninOnin 24
I'm sure it wasn't that hard.
mFUNdo21 17
she might be shooting blanks when trying to explain
dat_weird_girl 3
It's not like se is screaming "DICK!!!"
StompinOnCrayons 15
10 years later... OP : I'll flip a coin, heads or tails ? OP's Daughter : Ewww mom Boyfriend: Hey wanna see this *flashes* my dick ! OP's Daughter : Ffs this always happens, It's a TAIL people, a TAIL
slooby_fml 25
I am laughing so hard at how bad this comment is
Han1156 23
Wait what this makes no sense at all.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Why would OP's daughters boyfriend show OP and her daughter his dick? Is there a mother daughter love triangle!? Where is OP's husband!? Did he die in WW3 and leave behind a devastated family!? Is OP really the mom of this child!? What is going on!? I'M SO ******* CONFUSED!
OverFlash 15
Not to mention why is it only 10 years later? That would make the daughter 12
Kiki242 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's not that bad. He should've locked the door.
_streets_ 19
Maybe the door didn't have a lock?
MortenM 17
Why would you lock the door in your own home to change clothes, when it's just u and your wife & kid that's home?
vewwe 20
I really don't understand what is the problem of seeing a parent naked at that age. Sure it can get awkward when you're older but for example, when I was a kid we used to go naked in the sauna, the whole family together. If you don't make such big deal about it, she probably wouldn't even care over the fact that he has a "tail" between his legs.
blackychan63 12
I don't think the whole family naked together even at a young age is appropriate.. just saying..
smokecloud_ 37
how is it inappropriate? when i was little i would follow my dad into the shower because i was fascinated by what he had that i didnt. he always used the word 'privates' and i understood what that meant, but it wasnt shamed. my mom would walk around naked too. its the human body, people!!
Huddisher 10
That wold go over well in Pre-K. "Daddy lets me shower with him." We had a child say that in the daycare I went to. They found it a little alarming and awkward. e.o But with the way people are with guys and kids, I guess it's just automatically cause for concern in people's eyes.
itsmegandoll 6
Well, at least she said 'tail'- it could be much worse. (I'm sorry, I'm new to this.)
Spyfiction 6
Apology accepted.
chilevmv 7
Go along with it! It's better for her and for you
Kataclysm97 32
But...isn't a tail supposed to be on the other side? o.o Everything I know is wrong ;-;
cakefete2 31
Pin the tail on the donkey is going to be so awkward...