Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Ask him if his mouth has any connection to his brain. What an ass.
Jelbeztok 17
if i were you, im pretty sure i'd make him wait a while even after the two weeks.
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Comments (226)
junkman6 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"They don't shut down the whole amusement park just 'cuz one rides broke."
Mr_Loudmouth 9
Legitimate question.
cowgirlonacid 4
It's a legitimate statment.
whiskeey 14
You are comparing sex with a amusement park, please rethink that
SgtAssCheeks 21
Dude, intercourse is like an amusement park indeed; up and down the ride goes.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#100: That sounds kinda wrong when you have Rainbow Dash as your profile picture (especially with that smile!).
Trippchic 15
I spit my coffee all over my keyboard and almost choked to death because of your comment (started laughing too hard and it snowballed badly). Thankfully I have one of those washable keyboards.
JamesRay 3
I dont know how to take this. What is funny? O.o
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Lol
foxy_grampa 19
Someone needs to take an anatomy course
SWC_Penguin 17
Apparently I don't speak "asshole" because I totally thought the same thing as #14
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
88- It isn't "asshole talk" as you so put it. It is simply having a wide range of humor and being able to understand that OP's fiancé was joking.
foxy_grampa 19
I think you're the one who missed that I was joking. But I'll cut you some slack since sarcasm doesn't translate well through written text
lkb307 21
he's an asshole. you'd be better off to drop his sorry ass
LtBoom 13
Yes, let's call off the engagement over one tiny disagreement. Clearly it's the only way to handle this, right?
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
I really hope the people commenting this shit never get married. If you break off an engagement because of one little attempt at humor that failed, please, do us all a favor, and don't ruin a relationship because someone said something that slightly rubbed you the wrong way.
frizz101 22
While I agree this isn't something to call off an engagement, I feel obligated to comment that OP's fiancée might not be joking, and just expect OP to give him head until she heals, in which case OP should break up with him. But I he was joking and not being a narcissistic ass, then her relationship should be fine.
SammyS2012 21
129 that... still isnt any reason to break off an engagement. even if it wasnt a joke, what happened to talking? i personally feel it was an ill joke (maybe he got nervous when she said her cervix was bleeding), but if it wasnt, she needs to sit down and talk to her fiance.
tackblog 14
Well, if it makes u feel any better, OP, my game tag was 'Xervix' for quite a while, I didn't know what it was :3
B1ackthesun 31
O.o How is you having a poorly picked username meant to make op feel better about the fact A: she can't have sex and B: her partner is an intensive tool?
junkman6 22
"Intensive tool" use led to her bleeding cervix! :P corny I know but it made me giggle.
xnyletak 17
"No, but my foot is going to have something to do with your ass."
brackaman 18
You never know, he might be into that kinda stuff.
johnr0st 2
Hahaha classic Red Foreman!
xnyletak 17
I'm glad someone noticed :)
vewwe 20
It's not uncommon that men know little about female anatomy, but it doesn't have to mean that he doesn't care about you. It's time you teach him a little, he might discover some new things!
glabberfasted 16
Her husband knows what a cervix is, he was just being a dick.
glabberfasted 16
Fiancé* my mistake
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
20- I may not be a Stephen Hawking when it comes to vaginas, but if you don't know what a cervix is, and you're an adult, or even a teenager, you really shouldn't be messing around down there anyway in my opinion.
kellenp10 9
You still CAN use your mouth
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
Well damn. Good thing Captain Obvious showed up. I was compelety lost until he commented.
perdix 31
So, he'll accept ******** for the next two weeks? Who said chivalry is dead?
olpally 33
What a dumb shit. Please try not to breed with him after the two weeks are up. I can't believe he is that stupid!
glabberfasted 16
He KNOWS what a cervix is. He's implying that OP should use her mouth instead of her ****** for the next two weeks...
olpally 33
Ahh ****. *shoots self in foot* *bleeds to death*