Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Ask him if his mouth has any connection to his brain. What an ass.
Jelbeztok 17
if i were you, im pretty sure i'd make him wait a while even after the two weeks.
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Comments (226)
Omniprism 15
Tell him if your not getting any he's not either. But kudos for his smart comment.
thelittlepakeha 6
One of the many reasons my flatmate's going to be a solo mum soon is pretty similar to this. Her ex apparently CANNOT go a week without sex, no matter what's wrong with her that she can't or doesn't want to. He is a douche in many ways, though.
happyfingers 15
... I guess you should have seen that coming, huh? lol
831curmudgeon 7
Given his blatant insensitivity, complete self-absorption, and lack of pretty basic intelligence, shouldn't this FML be about your "ex-fiance"? Or are you really that desperate that you'd actually marry an idiot?
siniclehamster 16
"you first."
sprinkesrdelish 5
I hate that! men suck! my fiancé does sbit like this all the time. I hate it. I'm sorry. youre not alone
babeababe 16
Tell him to use his hand.
haase182 3
Well maybe that's his roundabout way of asking you to pleasure him with your mouth, seeing as sexual intercourse is unavailable to him currently.
katt_is_here 24
. . . You are saying this as if that point isn't obvious. I can't decide if you are a moron or just trolling.
kthsdm 12
Get it checked. Do a pap smear
katt_is_here 24
That is cockpunch worthy.