Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Ask him if his mouth has any connection to his brain. What an ass.
Jelbeztok 17
if i were you, im pretty sure i'd make him wait a while even after the two weeks.
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Comments (226)
mirrorfrost 11
Why should he get pleasure when you cant? Selfish. Very selfish. Get well soon!
cryssycakesx3 23
devil's advocate-- it's selfish that because she can't have sex she can't have him off. but I like keeping my man happy, BJ's at halftime!!
shanshui07 1
thats life, LOL
JustinRanford99 3
Your husband could be more supportive and concerned. He sounds a bit selfish.
TogeBara 12
Everyone is point out how selfish that he is for saying that, but OP in no way hinted that he acted like she was fine. He could be worried or wanting her to get well, but that doesn't mean she gets off the hook for relationship/intimacy time. She should still want to make him feel good as he should her were he bleeding from his penis. Point is she never said he was acting mean just that he wasn't being as nice as he could I guess.
edanielleh 21
you are very optimistic, aren't ya?
Alex1901 6
Off the hook for intimacy makes it sound like an obligation. Intimacy does not always mean sex I know, but it came across that way. If he can't handle two weeks without it doesn't make him seem like a nice guy.
hunts19ketchup 23
#74, I'm pretty sure that bleeding from her cervix DOES mean that she can be "off the hook" for intimacy time. The OP has a serious medical condition involving her reproductive organs. The fiance isn't going to die if he doesn't have sex for 2 weeks. Believe it or not, women aren't just around for the pleasure of men and actually aren't obligated to pleasure men whenever they desire regardless of whether the woman wants to or not. There are also other ways to be intimate and strengthen a relationship that don't involve having sex...
cryssycakesx3 23
I'm a lady and I completely agree.
ScarlieC 25
I don't know how all guys would feel if they were bleeding from their penis, but I know that if my guy would, he'd be crying death and destruction. To be fair, he's suffering whenever he has the man-flu. Most guys I know suffer during the man-flu, so imagine their pain, near-death, panic and (hopefully) overreaction when they bleed from their penis. And then it's considered fair to expect sex?
TogeBara 12
Let me make it clear, I am not saying that she HAS to give him any sex. All I am saying is that she can still be intimate with him (not necessarily sex) without having to use her main tools. I would be freaked out about bleedin from my penis (not going to lie about it, I would) but I'm not going to deny my partner just because I can't use mine.
measishouldbe 17
Then next time he suffering like that, he should still pleasure her when she wants it.
luckyone365 7
You also have an asshole.
pona12 8
Is nobody gonna acknowledge the fact that this came from a rather popular joke on the internet? Which leads me to believe one of 2 things, A.) Either she's bullshitting about the whole thing or B.) He found the perfect time to use the joke, so he pounced on the oppurtunity.
Jenn50 19
Actually, posts #26 & 30 both commented that it was an old joke.
martin8337 36
Legitimate question?
cryssycakesx3 23
maybe you should make him a sex rewards chart.
ViviMage 40
Yes! Tell him the cervix is a fancy word for neck and you are bleeding under the mouth!
animalxcrackers 20
i'm sure he was joking. my boyfriend would've probably said the same thing, and i would've laughed.