Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML
Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Ask him if his mouth has any connection to his brain. What an ass.
Jelbeztok 17
if i were you, im pretty sure i'd make him wait a while even after the two weeks.
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Comments (226)
Janae1 5
Lmao
TrueColours 9
Ask him if there's anything wrong with *his* mouth. No reason why you should be deprived of sexual satisfaction just because you can't handle intercourse at the moment.
renjisgirl12 22
Although I agree with the comment about "They don't shut down the whole amusement park just 'cuz one rides broke." (as they could still do foreplay of some kind) I think he could have worded it in a better way. One that doesn't sound like he's only concerned for himself, but rather concern for both of them.
rec_chem 22
He's right. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
thick_bulge19 4
I think the fiancee should be the one that is pleasing her if she feels up to it! Being she is the one with the condition right now, he should be doing everything he can for her at the moment! Maybe if he was pleasing her like he should be, she would return the favor!?!?!?
cathrope 10
he's an optimus (yea I'm sure I spelled the word wrong)
TheComedyAudio 29
Sounds like the old "What did your dentist say?" joke
skyeyez9 25
So you have a medical problem and all he can think about is himself. He sounds like a selfish asshole.
someindiandude 6
can't believe no one said this yet.....'he said what? Just blow him away'
harinakshi 4
I'm not sure which is more appalling. Op's fiancee's comment or all the commenters that seem to think it's a woman's job to satisfy her man anyway necessary, regardless of her own condition.