Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML
Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML
Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
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Top comments
AsianCookie247 14
You Are just now farting in front of him? ...
sariannacanna 6
How did you survive for 26 years and never farting in front of him?!? Thats some extreme control *claps and nods* lol
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Comments (171)
DocBastard 40
Hell, Mrs. Bastard and I will have contests to see who can outfart the other. I usually win, but I won't tell you what spoils go to the victor.
whisperingeye13 0
I assume a fresh pair of pants would be the prize most sought after
Mackenzie99 6
Aha that's so cute :) well don't take yourself too seriously :P nobodies perfect
rubberduckie72 4
farts are funny. i mean i dont cut th in public, but aroundy family i am not gonna hold them in or leave the room everytime it happens. my husband is actually proud when i let loose a good one. which i suspect is why your hubby mailed the kids. a mixture of pride and amazement. i mean after 26 years you did not think he would have a reaction.
needarb 3
She definatly shouldn't have had to not fart in front of him
RedPillSucks 33
On the contrary, I think she should have "defiantly" farted in front of him.
pongo_lycaon 4
Someone should give you an award! 26 years has to be some kind of record!
lmaoatall 6
I don't know why, but everytime an fml starts off with 'fart' I get excited. You just know it's going to be funny. Op, I don't know how you've been able to muffle the gas box for so long, but that has to be a record. You should be proud!
perdix 31
What an asshole! Not your husband, but your literal anus. Having such control of your sphincter to control your farts for 26 years is amazing. It was a good run. Are you going to pucker up and hold your farts for another 26 years, or are you just going to let 'em rip whenever the mood strikes?
Enslaved 38
The OP seems like a tight ass. Stick some Santa's coal up there and get diamonds for Christmas!(:
petraphotoDOTca 6
THIS is why my mom advised me to let one rip ASAP in front of the boy I wanna marry.....it doesn't always work, but if so - he's a keeper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
taazer 12
I don't see why it is embarresing?