Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML
Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML
Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML
Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
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Top comments
AsianCookie247 14
You Are just now farting in front of him? ...
sariannacanna 6
How did you survive for 26 years and never farting in front of him?!? Thats some extreme control *claps and nods* lol
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Comments (171)
AsianCookie247 14
You Are just now farting in front of him? ...
SillyFart 7
Was it a SillyFart????
StoryOfTheYear 15
Chances are it was not.
Ijas 2
Damn!! If it takes her that long to fart I wonder how long it takes for her to take a shit. :p
noodlepoodle96 0
OP deserves it for not showing her husband that women fart/pee/take a crap, etc. for 26 years :P
THE_A_TEEN 28
Not farting for 26 years is an amazing scientific discovery on how durable humans can be. CALL YOUR LOCAL SCIENTIST, OP!!!!
n_epic_fail 14
It's defiantly not her first fart, it just her first noticeable fart. OP's just trying to save face
bobbycorwen 5
I feel as though you mean definitely. Defiantly just doesn't work.
Naitsi 19
was thinging the same thing
wintamint101 7
ever heard of breaking the barrier?
monkeysareyummy 0
n_epic_fail, are you sure it wasn't her first fart? Because you my friend, are one of those extremely irritating smart ass's.
graham11 14
How'd you hold all that in from your husband for almost 3 decades? I find that quite impressive really!
uniongirl02 0
Actually, my mom is the same. Shes been married to my dad for 27 years and he's never seen a moment of grossness from her. Not one.
assduffmovie 0
I don't find this an Fml when op's user name is" lol"
tbone87 1
No one can save your face...
BayleeWasHere 1
Embrase your "inner self"!! xD
assduffmovie 0
How is she not in a World Records book!?
Rynk95 11
Everyone has their embarrassing moments - it won't kill you!
jwade11 12
Human beings fart... It's natural. Farting in front of him for the first time after you're married is ridiculous! Why do chicks not want to pass gas in any form around other people?? It's natural and healthy!!!!
keepcaImcarryon 0
I personally don't like farting around people because I find it rude. If it slips out, I won't make a big deal about it and neither should anyone else because like you said, it's natural.
dustyroaty 7
I almost died laughing first time I farted around the current gf.. xD she was trying to find my "ticklish" spots and the moment she tries my feet I move my leg suddenly and let a big one go D: lol to this day, 3 months later, she still hasn't once tickled my feet
JinxosGirl87 0
The embarressment might not kill her, but holding in gas for 26 years might ;)
rbr0wn 3
I'm surprised no one's said "divorce his ass!" We always seem to get tons of those.
ty1992_farmlife 12
Human beings fart!!! Men women and children. 26 years until she actually did.. that's too long. It took my ex 4 months before she released gas, only after I told her it was fine and normal. Sometimes it bothered me but I got her back! Jus a weird connection we had..
takeapieandrun 9
26 years!? Damn OP...
BehindU 5
Spectaculr buttocks control.
BehindU 5
*Spectacular*
RedPillSucks 33
Clenching to avoid surprise butt sex???
CalCommando 6
This reminds me of that College Humor video...
kelissa_fml 16
Haha I watched that! I thought of it too...
Jonkbaby 23
are the kids angry?
LegalyWhite 7
Yes the kids are Just dieing of hate at there mother for farting in front of there dad
SummerFever 8
There are so many things wrong with this sentence.
Pandaloverr 0
That they didnt get to smell their moms first Fart??
iam_yummylicious 12
Yes"_" the kids are "J"ust "dieing" of hate at "there" mother for farting in front of "there" dad"_" ... aND sum othr thingz lulz!111one1one!1!!1!!111!!!!11!!one
Jovecove 13
^ wtf is that
EastSideFYL 0
#89 wtf is this shit
Zoranius 6
I'm disliking your comment just because you have that picture..
graham11 14
89- damn, what are you on??
iam_yummylicious 12
I was being a grammar nazi troll. It was a joke gone horribly wrong apparently.
graham11 14
4- yeah the kids are ******* pissed...
ashleys562165 0
... Why would they be angry???
sariannacanna 6
How did you survive for 26 years and never farting in front of him?!? Thats some extreme control *claps and nods* lol
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
It is possible, since women don't fart. They spew out rainbows like Nyan Cat.
CaliforniaErin 13
Sweet lobster babies!
sickjairo 7
Better out then in.
TheCountess 4
If that's the most embarrassing thing your husband has witnessed you do in 26 years, I would say you're better off than most married couples. Just read more of the FMLs on here if you need further evidence of this.
bizarre_ftw 22
Well yeah, I don't think 6 is saying it's not an FML, I think they're just trying to console the op, of course it's an FML, who wants their whole family teaming with the news that you farted, especially if you're deeply embarrassed by it
LukaInTheSky 3
Yeah, it's more fy family for going on about it
ImaginaryFoe 1
She doesn't say it's the most embarrassing thing she's ever done. I'm all manners of klutz and do ridiculous things all the time. I've never farted in front of my husband either. I've never farted in front of anyone, at least, not since I was a child. I don't know why people do this. Is it really so difficult to wait till you have some privacy? No one wants to smell your shit.
bunnixbrutality 5
Ugh 32- Well next time you cant hold it and it slips out i hope karma comes at you, yes many can hold it but dont be such a dick, everyone cant always hold it
epyk_pryncess 8
Go Alan!... (;
THE_A_TEEN 28
#55 is the definition of an asskisser.
epyk_pryncess 8
58- not so much. See I've been around a lil bit. But hey, thanks for trying to sound like a "rebel". My heart just broke for your judgment.... .__.
MwahFMLS 6
That's a long time of holding in farts OP..
Okamigurl 16
I could SO see Peter Griffin saying something like that! Lol.
ImaginaryFoe 1
FFS, she didn't hold it in! Maybe she waited till he wasn't home or did it in the loo like a civilised person. Do you just let ******* rip wherever and whenever the mood strikes?
gigglingalways 6
Yeah, yeah I do. Toot toot
BigRigX 2
Sure I do, if you are offended by farts, stay home.
MwahFMLS 6
Well, sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore.
TUHTLES 8
8- I read your comment with Peter's voice in my head.
dbt88 15
35 - my parents fart at the dinner table. If you gotta, you gotta. You can usually tell if somebody is holding it in, so if you're comfortable enough, why not?
shrdlu 28
Like my Grandma always said, "If you gotta fart, do it well." The trouble is, Grandma ALWAYS said that. "Grandma, would you like some more potatoes?" "If you gotta fart, do it well." For the last six years of her life, the only thing she'd say was "If you gotta fart, do it well." It was only funny for the first few months.
exitdecay 6
, that takes determination
Jonkbaby 23
explain "in front"
DontForgetMe4 0
I'm impressed. Oh, and everyone farts. You probably have a million more embarrassing stories on your kids. ... " remember that time you wet the bed son....?"
Jonkbaby 23
weird thing to tell a toddler
xosportsgirl14x 8
I'm guessing that if they've been married for 26 years, their kids aren't toddlers.
XmyviolentheartX 13
Nonetheless it mentions he told the kids over "email". I don't think toddlers would even know where to begin with that lol.
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
34- ur a idiot that means the kids moved out or in college so the dad sent emails to them informing them of this learn to read other comments
whisperingeye13 0
41- Might want to think about taking your own advice before attacking other posters. That will help you avoid looking like a tool in the future.