Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, my husband won’t have sex with me anymore because he can’t be bothered. That’s been his excuse for almost three weeks, but he insists there’s nothing wrong, he just doesn’t want to. For reference, we had sex almost every day before this, so this is very abnormal behavior. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
denvan 0
He must have one strong hand shake
WallyTheWombat 0
So I'm not too sure how this is played out. If he masturbates every day that they don't have sex... is it that they don't have sex cause he masturbated? or that he masturbated because op won't have sex with him? If 1: 1) Try to get to him first. if 2: 2) Quit complaining and sleep with your husband!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (145)
cumverg 0
This comment simply wins.
facethtcreeps 0
ask if you can watch;)
thatssomeBS 9
Is the husband's name Al Bundy?
jlove34 2
My husband doesn't like to have sex with me either. It's not for trying on my part. I ask everyday, wear sexy clothes, I haven't gained any weight either.
Arch27 27
Maybe he has issues. Serious issues. You may need to drag his ass to therapy.
Osito2011 9
what you need to do is get have sex husband or say good bye to a healthy happy marriage. he's going to look for it somewhere else. he's your husband, have sex
thatdesertdude 7
that's just weird, what kind of crazy person prefers lotion and a mag over sex with a living breathing person? shaking my head......
HomeAl0ne 20
That's just wrong. It should be at least twice every day you don't have sex.
nicole_kaylee201 0
my boyfriend and I have a better sex life and we don't even live together! sad OP, sad. dont you ever do anything that turns him on? he can't get hard with out you (or in this case a magazine). shame on you for making him do it himself!
s10biker 1
you fail as a wife if your husband does it better than you... you need to better your skills and fast or else he will find someone else
Calyx_fml 22
Get a brazillian wax then sit on his face one night while he sleeps. He'll get in the mood quick!