Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, my husband won’t have sex with me anymore because he can’t be bothered. That’s been his excuse for almost three weeks, but he insists there’s nothing wrong, he just doesn’t want to. For reference, we had sex almost every day before this, so this is very abnormal behavior. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
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Top comments
denvan 0
He must have one strong hand shake
WallyTheWombat 0
So I'm not too sure how this is played out. If he masturbates every day that they don't have sex... is it that they don't have sex cause he masturbated? or that he masturbated because op won't have sex with him? If 1: 1) Try to get to him first. if 2: 2) Quit complaining and sleep with your husband!
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Comments (145)
Clay_K 17
first
lemondrink 0
:( that's awful
Doomire 0
you need to blow him when he is reading the newspaper before work
VinegarStrokes 0
Your husband is a stupid piece of shit? You're only a year into the marriage and he prefers jerking himself off to having sex with you? And he does it daily? What a worthless asshole.
VinegarStrokes 0
My bad, the first sentence was meant to be a statement and not a question
DudeImBetter 0
unless he has vaginas for hands he's weird..... well actually he'd be weird either way. you married a weird o op.
tstanbury 0
yeh hawaiiiii!!!!!
Mitcha857 0
this guys a piece of shit for not wanting to have sex with his wife. Either that or his wife's ****** is scary.
DaySetsFire 2
maybe his wife's vag has teeth
Furley 4
Did you ever stop to think that it may be her fault for not offering you stupid douche? You are a retard if you think men prefer to jerk off rather than having pussy.
WoAhAnNa123 0
hes probably done it more than 365 days in a row...
Drigr 9
yay! another chance to say this! if the husband had spent every day of the last year trying to get his wife to have sex with him we probably would be reading an fml along the lines of "Today my ass hole husband wants nothing but sex from me. he tries to get me to have sex multiple times a day and it's all he thinks about. can't he use his hand once in a while? fml"
jess6blondie9 3
That movie was ridiculous!
tree07 1
#12 is right if u blew him and u were actually good at it, u wouldnt be posting this fml op
pksparrow53 0
15- retard.. is better masturbating than cheating on her if cant get none from his wife
zyxwv88 1
You ever think that maybe he's jerking off because he can't get it from his wife? Maybe after a year of being blown off so much he just started jacking off if he didn't get sex. Since she wasn't interested enough to give him sex, he would take care of it himself. It's not his responsibility to initiate sex. If they haven't had sex in a while, then she's going to be just as responsible for it's lack as he is if not more so. He apparently still wants sex but doesn't get it, Apparently the lack of sex has been enough to get him to act on it even if she won't
ambowew 7
If you aren't going to accommodate for him anymore, at least buy some knee pads and get to the floor!
seenyou 3
if u didn't notice , OPs husband has a hand that has fallen madly in love with his penis . I don't think the hand would love to share :)
icychill10_fml 6
ur pic is hilarious
angelpies 0
I do not understand why he is only able to climax once a day.. Can he not jack it and then have sex later?
bernard919lewis 0
it takes him a full day to finish. no time for sex.
denvan 0
He must have one strong hand shake
johnnie254 7
WIN!!
GigaPudding_fml 24
Hm, if the guy prefers his hand then I think something must have changed... I'm not saying it's OP... But yeah, it probably is.
intheboot 0
I agree. Something must have seriously changed if he's not trying to have sex with his wife so quickly. OP, how much weight have you gained since the wedding?
cocobulla1 4
lmao!!! enough that no One wants to do u
ring13 0
at least now you know where all the lotion has been going...
OasC82 0
word^
WallyTheWombat 0
So I'm not too sure how this is played out. If he masturbates every day that they don't have sex... is it that they don't have sex cause he masturbated? or that he masturbated because op won't have sex with him? If 1: 1) Try to get to him first. if 2: 2) Quit complaining and sleep with your husband!
ragzy 7
Agree. Why does he jerk off unless you're not there for him?
TimeHealsWounds 0
I so agree!! As ladies we should NOT be selfish with the "pink" She is married and sharing is caring!
Riddles66 0
Should do something sexy. get him in the mood!
xxlauruh 0
hahaha......juggalo.
Riddles66 0
Down with the clown homie
F14Shado 0
oh lord.
Livinia 11
Just try and get into his pants before his hand does.
lover_gal 0
haha,wow your marriage either sucks or he just loves sex.
Blueglasscup 18
More like hates.