Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for six hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML
Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
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Top comments
Micayla 12
Hey, it'll be some type of experience to put down on your resume! Props to you though, I got hit with a paintball once and it hurt like hell!
purebliss_fml 19
A job's a job! At least you're not a hooker, if that makes you feel any better...
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Comments (143)
Micayla 12
Hey, it'll be some type of experience to put down on your resume! Props to you though, I got hit with a paintball once and it hurt like hell!
lex1459 38
Not only that, but OP can also add bravery under special skills!
mFUNdo21 17
I shot myself in the eye once
AbstraktThoughts 13
27: That's what you get for looking down the barrel of a gun. Without a mask on, at that!
JocelynKaulitz 28
Maybe afterward, you'll be able to tolerate more pain, if that'll make the situation a little better.
niftyismybitch 21
He's got some balls...paintballs !!!
isallwaysme 27
im assuming OP is a ref. i am a speedball player and a ref. speedball is 12.5 to 15 balls per second. you dont get shot at too often, but when you do, you really feel it. and OP, it doesnt hurt that much, wear a pod pack if you have to, and a towel you can use as a shield and youll be fine.
Catkam623 27
Op is probably military since not many people use BOHICA who aren't could be some sort of target for training as well.
Dawnstempest 17
@ 79 Except for Private Snafu ;). He uses that all the time... Oh everywhere I go... There's a Dill Sergeant there... Drill Sergeant, why don't you leave me alone? Why don't you go back home?
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Op most likely wears protective gear so he doesn't die from so many internal injuries
Kheasus 8
There is a place out in Utah that people pay to shoot other people, dressed up as zombies, with paintballs. This could be what he is referring to.
ThatFancyPenn 18
I suggest to OP getting some armour (plastic pads) so that it'll hurt a lot less.
isallwaysme 27
100, baggy clothing works better if OP doesnt have proper paintball jerseys and pants and arm pads and slide shorts
tjv3 10
OP I know that this job isn't what you would want to be doing, but hold your head high(figuratively) . You are doing whatever you got to do to support yourself and that is admirable
plantedrabbit3 16
Glad to see I have some fellow paintballers in the community, but realistically he'll most likely end up having fun
Grmpman 7
Getting hit doesn't hurt once you get used to it. I play all the time and it sting for about a second.
MR_GUERR0 10
A fellow baller!
isallwaysme 27
134, what gun do you use?
meihua 19
I don't ref. I actually am supposed to be shot. I dress up as a zombie and people (lots of people get too shoot me)
BOHICA123 4
Not working there anymore but I think around $11 an hour. #18
BOHICA123 4
No, I'm not a ref. me and one of my best friends (not doing it alone and we make stupid choices together lol) would run around and get shot at by 20 people at a time on average. #62
AutumnMasquerade 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh.uh.well Perhaps find something like volunteering at a pet shelter next time? No? okay..
Enslaved 38
Volunteering? But the OP needs money. :P
AutumnMasquerade 12
still PUPPYS AND KITTYS NEED HELP TOO D:
Soninuva 41
Your username makes your comment ironic, 16.
lennelleong 33
Fuzzy monkeys are disgusting and should be spanked! Want to check out my hairless beaver? :)
PenguinBitch 44
#22, lol nope. You can't. I tried changing mine ages ago. *sigh*
Soninuva 41
I don't believe there is a way to, though I may be wrong. Edit: my apologies, 25. I'm on the mobile version, and the cached version of this page didn't display your comment before I posted mine.
Enslaved 38
16, 14 never said she didn't care about those things, too. Many people do. I've traveled to places like Haiti and Cuba. Heartbreaking! And I also care about animals!(: Another thing-- Couldn't you just delete your account and start a new one? I don't know the rules on FML but would hate to not be able to edit something so simple as a name change.
MisterEx 28
Please accept a very strong virtual random hug for putting human beings above animals, 16.
blinked_281 29
volunteer work doesn't pay...
Aky0n 10
i swear that's what #11 was implying..
Dramori 29
Not ironic... She likes Fuzzy, not furry! ;)
buckdharma 38
19- Your username should be Tenacious D. Can I please hear you say?, Along ass ****** time ago, In a town called Kickapoo...
lil_ham1644 29
@36 humans are animals. Can't we put ourselves on the same level?
purebliss_fml 19
A job's a job! At least you're not a hooker, if that makes you feel any better...
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Pretty sure a hooker makes more money than someone being shot at with paintballs...BUT ANYWAY, at least you still have respect for your body, oh wait...
AnOriginalName 19
And at least people aren't shooting small loads of liquid into your face. Oh, wait....
iLike2Teabag 27
They both involve taking balls. Possibly to the face. By possibly I mean preferably.
AnOriginalName 19
#38, is your name at all related to your comment?
ddlovatolover 23
Hey, that'd be 6 hours of pure fun and excitement!
RedPillSucks 33
Hookers don't always make a lot of money. Most of that goes to the pimp.
gc327072 31
90- not if she's an (ahem) "private" contractor.
Mossears133 15
57- Contrary to popular belief, a kick to to crotch still hurts like hell for ladies!
KillSwitch96 18
You beat me to it #121! Haha
KillSwitch96 18
RedPillSucks - Not all prostitutes have pimps.
WhitneyAndGdrago 10
well I'm guessing you have protective gear? good luck !
Enslaved 38
I'd pay to see that. Want to make some extra cash?
thrifting 18
Sucky sucky, fi dolla?
AutumnMasquerade 12
HA! that's awful..
jblumz 15
Like a samBoooooooooooooooty da *** u bik
thrifting 18
**** yo ancestas acesta!!!
feldco1 17
I'm really curious as to what this job is for but hey money's money!
JustJumped 22
I'd imagine paintball marshal they tend to get shot a lot
crzyknt 9
Ive been in your position before; It gets better with time..
yahoowizard 16
Yeah eventually the paintballs start to hurt less after a few sessions.
kozzard 17
after the scar tissue finishes building up
hottay7164 18
I got hit last month and I still have a bruise covering half my thigh. It sucks.
isallwaysme 27
why does everybody keep saying they hurt? getting shot does not hurt. it stings for a moment, but thats it.. unless someone is shooting more than 185 fps (highest fps paintball guns are allowed to shoot on professional field) then it starts to hurt.
ForkymeetsPorky 15
Hey, you can you get some valuable life skills from this. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even the day after that, but eventually.
mFUNdo21 17
such as how to dodge a bullet that life skill could save your life
PenguinBitch 44
Who knows, maybe the Jackass crew will recruit you and money wouldn't be your problem anymore.