Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, my husband won’t have sex with me anymore because he can’t be bothered. That’s been his excuse for almost three weeks, but he insists there’s nothing wrong, he just doesn’t want to. For reference, we had sex almost every day before this, so this is very abnormal behavior. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
denvan 0
He must have one strong hand shake
WallyTheWombat 0
So I'm not too sure how this is played out. If he masturbates every day that they don't have sex... is it that they don't have sex cause he masturbated? or that he masturbated because op won't have sex with him? If 1: 1) Try to get to him first. if 2: 2) Quit complaining and sleep with your husband!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (145)
Poopolicious 5
tie him to the bed and have your ways with him ;) and if u do him good he"ll come back for more
cwmbear 0
You let yourself go real bad the last year, huh?
TheNewGuy03 29
what people fail to realize here is... ...that op's wife's vag resembles an enemy from silent hill. |the kid|
TheNewGuy03 29
everyone, shut the hell up; we're dealing with a eunuch here. seriously, i also believe that one shouldn't be obsessed with sex. however, i've never met a male that didn't *like* it. i mean, it feels good...:O |the kid|
gwadafiesta_fml 2
Yeah. Although I respect your opinion, I don't see why you need to express it on every FML related to sex. You don't like sex okay, we get it, and you know people will "get on your back" about it. Looks more like propaganda to me, sorry.
kcTheGreatOne 2
probably more like he's screwing someone at work...
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
"sex is not that important to me* anyway." Fixed it for ya.
sirhunglong 0
of course it is going to happen nothing bores a guy more than a woman who has lost her sex drive
DuckfaceSoccerpu 0
You're not that important.
gtrgdss 0
marriage is over. when they love themselves more than you, it speaks volumes, dontcha think??