Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, the kids I was babysitting somehow found a pair of my underwear. They asked if they could use them to go parachuting. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML
Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
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Top comments
arcxjo 3
You could have just NOT BROUGHT LUBE TO A BABYSITTING GIG. Leave it at home, or in the car, or anywhere else. How urgent a need could have presented itself in the circumstances?
Lick_yer_face 0
Yeah... I would have definitely taken it off her, and then made sure I never left my purse laying around again... I bet it was fun calming the kids down though... you go to grab them and they slip right out of your hands. XD
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Comments (77)
Betty7 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That is so wrong... so so wrong. I sure hope you're not a guy.
D37H100 5
Maybe look at the gender symbole and you will know OP is female.
Rinat_fml 26
It's not trong if it was an accident you noob.
tacojauns 45
guys always carry a purse right? right?
Lick_yer_face 0
Yeah... I would have definitely taken it off her, and then made sure I never left my purse laying around again... I bet it was fun calming the kids down though... you go to grab them and they slip right out of your hands. XD
Betty7 0
#2 - What would you have done? Try to explain what lube is?
Illumi113 0
No, I would have said it was lotion, or it was none of her business, and then taken it away from her either way. You deserve it for taking your lube with you to a babysitting job and then being negligent enough to just leave it with her when you went to the bathroom. YDI, but FYL too.
HamsteronA 0
hehe your comment is no. 69 I'm so immature but that made me laugh with what you posted
arcxjo 3
You could have just NOT BROUGHT LUBE TO A BABYSITTING GIG. Leave it at home, or in the car, or anywhere else. How urgent a need could have presented itself in the circumstances?
samsam23t 8
if a kid got their hand stuck and none of the usual tricks were working
SixthSinEnvy 39
Maybe she forgot it was in there? The better question is why are children going through your purse? Did you let her or is she a nosey little shit?
Karen_fml 0
Bring your purse with you in the bathroom when you babysit. Everyone knows how children are curious and wanna touch & try everything. Deserved.
Bzrider4lyfe 0
why do you carry lube in your purse, just in case? this one is your fault
iivs 0
That was so funny
ohgeez 0
At what point did you think to take it away from them? "What's this?" "Oh that's a knife....I'm just going to walk away and leave it in your hands because clearly...NOTHING bad could happen."
Heidi_fml 0
Oh crap, that sucks. You should have put your purse where they couldn't get to it after that.
Poky_fml 3
Why the f*** would you bring lube for babysitting? Are you a working on the street after that or what?