Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, my wife has initiated sex less than five times in the 18 years we've been married. If I don't mention it, then she doesn't have to bother. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML
Today, my husband won’t have sex with me anymore because he can’t be bothered. That’s been his excuse for almost three weeks, but he insists there’s nothing wrong, he just doesn’t want to. For reference, we had sex almost every day before this, so this is very abnormal behavior. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
denvan 0
He must have one strong hand shake
WallyTheWombat 0
So I'm not too sure how this is played out. If he masturbates every day that they don't have sex... is it that they don't have sex cause he masturbated? or that he masturbated because op won't have sex with him? If 1: 1) Try to get to him first. if 2: 2) Quit complaining and sleep with your husband!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (145)
tnlander 20
there are two words that will solve your problem OP. Lap dance.
36591951 9
He'll probably just end up masturbating anyways
DjeePee 25
And that's the moment when you push your husband against the wall, grab his penis and whisper 'if we don't have sex right away, I'm going to squish your penis so ******* hard that you will be incapable to ********** for at least a month', or something like that. Now serious, OP, how did it even get this far? Is it your fault? Did you refuse sex so many times that your husband was tired of asking it? It is his fault? Did he didn't take any effort to please you? Is it the fault of you both? My guess is the last one. So OP, it's a simple solution: start to have sex again. Wear something sexy, act sexy, seduce your husband, blablabla. I'm sure there are a lot of tips on the internet, you should better read them. I hope your husband respects you enough to think about your sexlife and your pleasure, instead of acting like a selfish jerk.
ProhibitionRose 14
lol!!!! the first part is so messed up but full of win!
docscientist 10
He gives a selfish jerk every day it seems.
Lisa89 3
This is really sad to hear. The spark has gone so quickly. Well OP, looks like it's down to you to try even harder to get him harder! As long as you still both love each other I'm sure you can work this all out, just give him some suprise sex or something! Wake up before work and do it, or as soon as you both get home from work! If the love is gone, you guys really need professional help to try and get it back :(.
ProhibitionRose 14
You should make a deal with him. If he needs sex, he should tell you and if you turn him down, then he can **********. Everybody masturbates, but in my opinion, the key to a healthy marriage is a healthy sex life. Maybe try spicing things up? Toys, lotions, role playing... If your vag isn't more appealing than his hand, eek.
spazz666 18
"everybody masturbates" That's a very ignorant statement. In 2011, studies found that 95% of men reported masturbating regularly compared to only 89% of women. And that deal shouldn't HAVE to be made. If OP wants sex so badly she should just act on it. All it takes is some sexy lingerie and some mood music.
sxe_beast 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for being ugly. I guess he was too drunk before the wedding to realize how hideous you are and back out.
teameminem 2
Where does it imply that she's ugly? Just because he's masturbating instead of having sex with her doesn't mean that she's ugly, she could have rejected him every time he asked for sex so now he doesn't even both to ask.
sxe_beast 11
My comment was facetious, nothing more. Move on.
ProhibitionRose 14
your comment was retarded. you clearly know nothing.
mercuryburst 0
He has lost interest in you. Surprise him with something kinky. Leather corset perhaps?
Alleged_Cranium 7
I bet that his hand has not gained 30 pounds since the wedding.
alaskasfml 0
what straight man chooses pleasuring himself over being pleasure by a woman? what is this world coming to? :/
cetlawizard 15
the kind whos wife always seems to have a headache, backache, too tired or some other of 2 dozen reasons why she's not able to have sex. same thing has happened to me after 6 months with my wife...been married 2 yrs. the sex is the best she ever had (for real) but she just can't handle 2-4 hrs of it every time.. so maybe I get to 1x every 3-6 months...nuff said!
SteelCladAngel 0
lol sounds like the reverse of my husband and I I'm nearly /always/ ready to go he's usually too tired/sore/sick/ whatever
TheMonica 0
Ouch. It's time to sit down and have a frank discussion. If he won't let up and start having sex with you occasionaly, it may be time to start thinking about divorce... Or at least several sessions with a therapist. That may seem harsh, but sex is an important part of marriage, and your sex life shouldn't have fizzled out so soon.
dustinkershaw 0
hahaha. haha ha ahaha I don't even know what to say to that.