Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
bobo_the_bear 5
You gave it a good shot. Let her know that it is her turn to come up with some "dirty talk".
creepyclowntown 10
that is a terrible line, I would laugh too.Maybe look up online for things to say?
PossiblyInDanger 24
Someone needs some practice...
Teyros 24
Well I guess it's better than saying "who's your daddy?"
katie_xoxo3 16
That's hella funny
perdix 31
That's marginally better than "Your mama ***** her drawers." Don't ask me how I know.
buttcramp 21
this reminds me of a Paul Rudd movie lol
lifesacircus 8
you should've saud you were gonna **** her hard or something instead
firefighter925 18
36 is that what gets you goin? lol
TheBrochure 22
"I'm gonna **** you hard or something."
imbedderdenu 23
BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
holymackeral 12
Youre an isiot. That sounds ****** rediculous. Smh
Welshite 40
Comments like these make me chuckle. #39: Don't call someone an idiot when your comment is horrible, itself.
DocBastard 40
Please allow me to reducule your rediculous comment. I can let "isiot" go as a typo, but "rediculous" is spelled "ridiculous", just like your comment.