Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
BFons 19
Hahaha did you get a chance to dick her down good?
mcauley3 8
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
jrock9093 18
Lol awesome bahahahah
hobojo69 23
That's a new one... Lol you just need some practice, listen to how people talk in **** or read some erotica or idk look it up... Keep at it :)
chosha_fml 27
Dick her down? Sounds like you ****** up.
honeymoonroyale 20
Hahaha awesome. I'd laugh too, but wouldn't stop.
outoftown 27
Screw conventional. How about more outrageously bad dirty-talk lines? With wiggled eyebrows, say. Inspector Clouseau had no trouble getting women.
8born8 18
Old Faithful is going to have nothing on you.
Cujo3269 9
Ahahahahahaha you're a dumbass
maggiefox 25
I'm laughing very hard, too. This ones on you :P sorry OP.