Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
RedPillSucks 33
How about "slap me in the face with the insides of your thighs".
graceinsheepwear 34
Hit her with your rhythm stick.
ninja_dae 11
I would laugh too. actually I am. you need to google how to talk dirty because that is not.
doodlebug33 20
(in frank costanza's voice) "what the hell does that mean?"
bazookajoey 27
C'mon man, how was she supposed to take that seriously?
Slimma 20
I'm still pondering... what in the world is that supposed to mean? That's not dirty talk. That's funny talk.
graceinsheepwear 34
Locker room guy terms don't necessarily make good sexy talk to a woman. Why not just "I'm gonna give it to you good"?
perdix 31
If you're so good at "dickering down," you might want to put on your clothes and head out to the flea market.
RedPillSucks 33
And dicker over the couch.
awilliams44 9
Does that even mean anything? I think everyone that has read that is still laughing
Folly_fml 12
True love right there.
esigmond 2
Why would you say something so stupid?