Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
a brain fart over a real fart any day
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Comments (77)
JefferyLillie 16
Omg. xD. did he lose his boner. I would have laughed so hard I would have lost mine.
incoherentrmblr 22
Wouldn't you love ******* your own pussy?...
Xquisite1 28
Just tell him that "your" dick loves ******* "his" pussy. Problem solved.
FutueMeamVitam 24
Shouldn't the quote marks go around "dick" and "pussy", though?
Eyalsh 32
no, they shouldn't. it's meant to say that they own their partners' reproductive organ, thus referring to it as "mine".
SamBeast 18
lol he's a keeper ?
rae_2000 5
Are you sure he's a man? lol
photographer49 22
#4 kind of hard to make that sort of mistake when everyone is naked.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
a brain fart over a real fart any day
spookyboy 20
Maybe deep down he'd like to try being bottom one day lol
Knastyy 8
maybe there's another reason that popped into his head eh?
ProfessorMctitie 20
You should have whispered, i know
jpsullivan 36
you gotta be able to laugh during sex. and who knows, maybe he got tongue tied because youre just that good in bed.
NthDakotaBeaches 12
Or.... Maybe he was referring to himself in the second (third?) person and was calling your genitalia "his" in a possessive way.
invadermaythe1st 35
That... Doesn't make sense...
tygerarmy 35
It could. He could've gotten tongue tied, like others have said and mixed "I love your pussy" and "Yeah, that's my ******* pussy."
russfml 31
A third person would be calling yourself by your own name. I'm pretty sure OP doesn't really have a pussy lol
megan_login 6
yes she does, she has her gender listed right there.