Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
raeepressley 12
E for effort buddy! But if my boyfriend ever said that to me, I would die laughing!!
Incitus 9
I'm gonna go ahead and try to start a chain of bad dirty talk lines. "Good thing neither of us are thinking about our parents doing it"
ahh_rats 15
That's works 90% of the time all the time haha
K2BC 8
Don't blame her!
amisenho 11
"Dick her down good" sounds like he's planning to beat her down with his penis until she's unconscious. It doesn't sound pleasant, OP.
ViviMage 40
Please stop watching hillbilly pornos for inspiration.
_Heisenberg__ 15
"Dickachu I choose you" is the one thing to say while dirty talking that might be worse.
CrazyMelvin 14
She should have gotten up and left. What a mood killer!
gioo_fml 6
What the F does that even mean.....your dumb
AKAR2521 4
you're, emphasis on the 're. just saying
HelloooooNurse 20
"Finish Her" is always a good ender.