Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
It was really a sexophone.
Malicious_Clam 6
There is a song where they say "talk dirty to me" and then a saxophone starts playing. They play it on the radio frequently. It's a pop song.
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Comments (114)
Welshite 40
It was really a sexophone.
gjikvtj 18
Good thing she's not a *****. Trampets sound terrible.
incoherentrmblr 22
Had to be a damper on your Tromboner...
urdirtyolduncle 15
Tell her to play your flute
grogers311 20
Haha #19
TrippingOnAcid 29
Didgeridoo her anyway?
CaptainSmith28 19
This is clearly a reference to Jason Derulo's song "talk dirty"
Liamj774 36
Maybe she wanted you to hit her g-string
clemsi 20
I guess now he is a D-flat
xxrogerthatxx 19
lol at 70; OP: "talk dirty to me" GIRLFRIEND: "*saxaphies Egyptian tune"
orbit 22
Make sure she's of age #72, you don't want to get cought fingering A-minor
that_band_nerd 22
Tell her if she sings it in D Major she won't be getting any major D from you for a while
Since1998 20
Hopefully her boobs wont b-flat
deceiver100 5
sucks man!
lillirose10490 11
'Tis why he shared it with us, for advice to help it "un-suck"
ohSNAPyall 27
People share things on FML so that they can get advice? Wrong crowd, buddy!
tiger8255 13
Let's hope it goes from it sucking to her sucking.
lillirose10490 11
#57 I'm not your buddy, guy.
DarkRealmGolem 9
That's not what fml is but I guess you people have changed it
DArthurVaderian 18
#75 I'm not your guy, friend.
lillirose10490 11
^ I was hoping someone recognized my South Park reference!
sayyestothedress 24
That's her way of talking dirty to her and anyways it's SAXophone! People sometimes say it sexophone so maybe she thought it would turn you on?
nchic01 17
yeah what's dirty about a saxaphone?
nchic01 17
*saxophone
onlychildFTW 34
Saxophones are considered dirty? I think they're pretty cool.
tucansamTommyG 12
It depends on where you play it from
Sulphuric_Glue 16
Saxophones instantly make anyone the smoothest ************ who ever lived.
jklolz94 10
If it was the careless whisper sax solo, then I see no problem with this situation
themouse 3
"Play" her.
Malicious_Clam 6
There is a song where they say "talk dirty to me" and then a saxophone starts playing. They play it on the radio frequently. It's a pop song.
lisslyi 19
Hence his username.
sunnyray812 42
I find it sad that people automatically think of this song when someone says, "Talk dirty to me." Does no one remember the classic Poison song?
noah_1234 24
those were the old days now all people want to listen to is justin bieber and his autotune
may14th 26
what does this have to do with justin bieber
MegasaurusRex89 28
To be fair, saxophones are the sexiest of all instruments
pjsr 33
I thought we established - several FML's ago - that the skin flute was the sexiest of all instruments?
Enslaved 38
"What's better than a rose on your piano? Two lips on your organ" (What's sexier than that?)
cocainewhore 30
It's all about the triangle, guys.
petlover7598 7
Obviously you all have never been with a tuba player. So hot.
that_band_nerd 22
As a saxophone player I will admit that the sexist instrument is the cowbell, no one can ever get enough cowbell!
otumboo 10
I always thought flutes would have been the sexiest instrument because there dick shaped and the occasional jokes "the skin flute"
detectivedipsiht 12
that's pretty hot...
RedCityScapes 5
Talk Dirty~ Jason Derulo? Pretty sure a lot of people on here didn't get the reference.