Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
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Top comments
etishuman22 32
I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.
Welshite 40
You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".
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Comments (102)
snapcracklepop41 3
aww hey at least you tried, try try try again.
chanelleyy 26
oh dear haha !A for effort though !
JMichael 26
I can't stop laughing either OP. Maybe work on it a bit? How about "My tool needs a shed and I think it'll fit perfectly in yours."
Radoh 3
Oh god, that incredible.
Kn0wledge123 21
*sigh* Why do people always fail at urban vernacular. Wrong order, bruh. You tell her that BEFORE you smash. She might laugh, but put it on her really good. Then the next time you say that, she'll jump your bones. At least you tried though.
ForbiddenDestiny 20
Op next time try something like, I can't wait to get your clothes off, I've been looking forward to this, I can't wait to feel your tight wet ***** around my **** feel free to use those btw x
perdix 31
Thanks, but how am I supposed to pronounce ***** and ****? You really think you need to censor yourself on a site called **** My Life, the English language version of Life of Shit?
Nyx_fml 23
"I can't wait to feel your tight wet stars around my asterisk". Just think about it, the anus kind of looks like an asterisk. Still trying to figure out what the stars are.
8born8 18
I can't wait to play with your fantastic boobs and tease each nipple with my tongue. Then slowly lick a path down to the sweet spot between your legs. I've been craving the taste of your sweet juices. I'm going to suck, lick and nibble on your lady steak and flick your pink love button with my tongue until your legs start to shake and your little honey pot glistens, begging to be filled and satisfied. Give something like that a try Op and see what response you get.
ninety 25
Personally, I would probably laugh harder.
thenewgirl29 20
It was not too bad til you wrote "lady steak."
buckdharma 38
Time to show her your sex face.
SgtAssCheeks 21
you tried.
grgnyce 8
Bro, you have officially lost your man card!!! Lol!!!
rebellionwars 11
He was trying, give him a break. And it wasn't funny at all.