Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
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Comments (204)
jordanprodigy023 0
It is your fault
OCDC 9
The pun king strikes again...
nomudkips 4
It's whoever was in the back of the line's fault. It's their responsibility to pay for whatever damage happened, even if other people were too close too. Whatever argument you may have against this, this is what the law and the insurance companies say.
Egnar 19
you're right from a legal perspective - It's always the person behinds fault in 99% of cases in terms of payments and such. . The accident is still her fault though.
LilaBear 2
"The accident is still her fault though." No, it's not. The accident would not have happened if the people behind her obeyed the law and left themselves enough reaction time. And don't say "the accident wouldn't have happened if she hadn't slammed on the brakes", because what if the thing in front of her was a child running onto the road? She would have still slammed on the brakes and exactly the same thing would have happened because of the moron(s) behind her.
rattusrattus 19
Bet it was a pheasant. They love flying into cars, the dumb avians.
Uscdrew1 7
Oh my ******* god. Stop saying "cuhz". It's not cool, it only makes you look like a completely idiotic imbecile.
palltaru 0
YDI for thinking a bird vomited suicide mabye it was a ACCEDENT???? Stupid.
ifmlftw 0
women drivers no survivors.
oxAshleAxo 8
male drivers, no survivors?
the_axos 0
Totally deserve it OP. Completely irresponsible showing no respect for anyone else on the road. We all like animals but the fact of the matter is a human life is greater to that of an animal.
Egnar 19
You say that as if you act completely calm and cool in any unexpected situation. It may have not been the best possible course of action but frankly when you're completely shocked instinct, not logic takes over.
LilaBear 2
"We all like animals but the fact of the matter is a human life is greater to that of an animal." Wtf?? Fool. That's why you don't SWERVE for animals. For an animal, you merely slam on the brakes rather than swerve. Never swerve for an animal because if you hit a human instead the loss is far greater. Slamming on the brakes does not endanger anybody else's life. Except, apparently, the morons behind you who can't figure out how much reaction time to allow themselves. Seriously, how do people get their licences without knowing such a basic rule? It's the LAW people. Not just an opinion.
NCR 0
how would the birds wife feel?? think about it.
elizabethann416 0
you must be a pig and stole it's eggs. ;) was it catapulted?
keyrez 0
haha very clever. I love that game