Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (204)
SuperLeap_fml 0
Birds don't commit suicide. So it's just means that you have bad luck.
Bonte 0
well it was all ur fault idiot
roydawgg 3
when I kill a bird I keep going it is your fault birds are way different from deer, dogs, cats, etc there's no need to be all environmentalist over them
Pazu_fml 10
I doubt this was about environmentalism. Something large splatters against your windshield out of nowhere, and you react. Chances are that OP hit the brakes before identifying the bird.
kennyl25 3
you only slam the brakes when you see the traffic in front of you stopped on the highway or when you see an animal on the road... you don't slam the breaks when you see a bird on your windshield.. what kind of logic is that? obviously it is the op's fault because she slammed the breaks for no reason.. the cars around her weren't expecting this because they probably saw the traffic flowing smoothly around them... when your driving at high speeds even if you are far from the car in front of you if they randomly slam their breaks and slow down to zero km/h and you are driving at 100 km/h you are going to reach the car infront of you pretty fast dont you think?
LilaBear 2
what are you on about? Depending on the size of the bird, a bird could smash your windshield if you ran into it too fast. Slamming on the brakes could easily be a very reasonable reaction. Why is it ok to slam on your brakes for a small animal crossing the road (which you'll just kill but won't endanger you), but it's not ok to slam on the brakes for a bird that could potentially shatter the windscreen and either a) injure someone inside the car or b) make the windscreen too damaged to drive with? Also, you obviously know nothing about driving rules. No matter what speed you are going at, it is your responsibility to make sure you allow enough space between you and the car in front of you to react. This means you alter that distance according to the speed you are going. eg. if you are driving at 20km/hr the distance you need to leave between you and the next car would be much shorter than if you were driving 100km/hr. If you are unable to stop when the person in front slams on their brakes, then that is your fault because you did not leave enough time for your reaction. What if the person in front of you had to slam on their brakes because a child ran out into the road? Would you still say it's their fault because all the other traffic was "flowing smoothly" and you weren't "expecting" that?
kennyl25 3
did i argue about the rules of driving.. did i say anywhere that you should ride a foot behind the car in front of you.. i know the rules of the road and that when you hit the car in front of you from behind its your fault.. i never argued that once.. the point is that the op caused the accident even if it wasn't legally her fault since she got hit from behind... how the hell do you compare a kid on the road to a bird.. obviously your gonna slam the breaks if you see a kid in front of you on the road... the bird had already hit her windshield and then she slammed her breaks like an idiot.. and how big are the birds that hit your windshield? a bird is not gonna break your windshield.. a little common sense goes a long way.. stop arguing for the sake of arguing because its obvious the op didn't react properly to the situation
The_Commentor_ 6
At least you got 10 points for hitting the bird.
0hs0unique 0
lmao
Azu_nyan 8
Was there a pig in the backseat?
buergerking 0
your a women u can't drive. I would laugh too and know it's your fault
oxAshleAxo 8
You're a man and you have bad grammar. I just thought I'd post a useless comment on your useless comment.
MissBunny25 0
aww poor birdie ... but thats sooooo funny! and it was your fault.. hahaha *driving down the road* "holy shit it's a bird!!" *screeching tires* ... you killed the bird and caused a wreck... epic :) gotta love life sometimes lol
LesCDeal 6
A good and experienced driver reacts responsibly and accordingly to unexpected road conditions. Slamming on the breaks is not an appropriate action for this type of situation. One of the first things you learn in driver's ed is how to react to unexpected situations. Just as you can get a ticket for following too closely, you can also get a ticket for reckless endangerment and impeding the flow of traffic (i.e. driving too slow or slamming on your breaks). Food for thought.
LilaBear 2
that's the biggest load of rubbish ever. Slamming on your brakes to avoid hitting something is not dangerous driving, nor is it unnecessarily impeding the flow of traffic. Impeding the flow of traffic might, for example, be driving too slowly because you're busy putting your makeup on or trying to text a friend, or just coz you're too distracted listening to your music or talking to your passenger. Use a bit of common sense.
Bobissmall 13
Actually you're wrong. At least in the UK, if you slam on your breaks / swerve to miss an animal, and it causes a danger to other road uses, then you shouldn't have done it. You're meant to keep on going and hit it.
kennyl25 3
maybe you should use a little common sense... a normal reaction to slam the brakes when an animal is infront of you is if that animal is like a deer or something.. not a bird.. why must you be so stubborn.. can't people just admit the op reacted wrong and caused an accident.. they teach you in driving school how to react in situations like this.. that's the point of driving school to avoid getting into accidents like these... clearly op forgot what she was taught at driving school