Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
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Comments (204)
loveseggsncheese 0
haha this made my day(:
happyFace12 0
you are such a bitch. it made your day that a bird was killed because somebody doesn't know how to drive? BITCH
happyFace12 0
you calm down and what kind of a bitch says "awwwwww you killed a bird cuz you don know how to drive!!! I am soo happy!!!!!"?
AmandaLee2320 2
Someone needs to pop some Midol. Good LORD, woman.
happyFace12 0
shut the **** up
AmandaLee2320 2
I'm not the one screaming and swearing at people and calling them names, dear. Grow up.
happyFace12 0
well I mean who goes around saying YAYAYAYAYAYAYA?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KILLED A BIRD IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Bobissmall 13
At first i thought you were doing some very bad spelling there Doc...
epyk_pryncess 8
hahaha I love your play on words
horseracingjocey 0
how long did that take you? pretty good though. lol
oxAshleAxo 8
Clever :)
Zebidee 9
Doc has a big book of word play he keeps for easy reference. It's called a compundium.
DaveOnDope 4
Everything depends on your speed and the size of the bird. A Pheasant came through my windshield when I was going 70mph. Blood and gore everywhere. Never did find an actual carcass.
LesCDeal 6
I wouldn't say it's "all" your fault, but you could have prevented it. Most people who call out other drivers for following too close are being hypocritical. Almost everyone does it at some point (it's called bumper-to-bumper traffic) and no one expects you to brake hard for something they can't see themselves. It's a sad fact of driving, but you have to expect people to follow too closely. The lesson here is that while you can't control how close to you other drivers are to you, you can decrease the odds of them hitting you by not making any sudden moves unless the situation is absolutely dire. Hitting your breaks for a bird, rabbit, cop with a radar gun, etc doesn't count as a 'dire' situation. If it's a large dog, deer, what have you, that's different.
xdust 4
it was
kidskater24 0
it's all your fault >:/
alexavb15 4
Lmao Win Tango,! Hehee, Duckin' Road :P
yamahajog 0
IT WAS YOUR FAULT!!! "basic accident avoidance ...and commen sence says that you dont slam on the breaks for a bird and risk the life of other motorists...your a dumbass, and a women driver :)
DocBastard 40
Commen sence? Breaks? Seriously? I won't even comment on the sexist bullshit. Oops! Guess I just did.
Pyrowolfie 3
If you're going to call someone a dumb ass, at least know the difference between your and you're. LOL @ "commen sence"
gonzaval 0
I hear you girl !!!!!
something224 6
It was ur fault!