Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
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Comments (204)
NCR 0
lmao made my day
forthepainx3 0
you're*
truehitman2010 0
terrorist now hire birds to do suicide bombing??
DoctorDictator 0
Tango, its not legally her fault. Also, stop typing like you're cool, it makes you seem idiotic at best.
Redwingfan16 0
Who cares. Calm down it's just a fukin bird. Birds don't have wives.
nikki9tails 3
couldn't you say flew into instead of committing suicide?
kennyl25 3
it is her fault... the excuse that you should keep a safe distance from the car infront of you doesnt always work.. how far back do you have to drive from the car infront of you to avoid someone randomly slamming the brakes on the highway.. i mean if everyone is just driving on the highway in the flow of traffic you are not really going to the expect that one random person to slam his or her brakes like an idiot and put everyone else's life in danger.... common sense tells you that you dont slam the brakes when you see a bird hit your windshield... i have been startled and shocked by rocks flying into my windshield while driving on the highway and my first reaction was to look around and make sure my windshield was ok not to slam the breaks... if op loses all common sense when situations like this occur while driving then its obvious she shouldn't be driving...
honeybunches88 5
A traffic jam on the highway that you can't see would be another case where someone might "randomly" slam on their brakes. Are you suggesting that that would be the driver's fault also, not the fault of the person who did the rear-ending? There are many reasons why someone may need to slam on the brakes while driving. Law says that fault goes to the person following because they are supposed to be prepared for emergency braking. And if you are inspecting your windshield while driving, maybe YOU are the one who should not be driving, kenny. Don't chastise OP when you clearly have driving issues of your own.
kennyl25 3
what the hell are you talking about idiot.... you look out your windshield when you drive thats how you see the road retard.. i didnt say i take off my seatbelt and get up and inspect the windshield inch by inch to see if its ok... while continuing to drive and not slamming the breaks and almost killing other people on the road.. you look around to see if there are any major cracks on your windshield.. make sense?
LilaBear 2
Everybody knows it is a driver's responsibility to leave enough space between them and the car in front in case the person in front slams on their brakes in an emergency. If you said "well everyone was just driving on the highway in the flow of traffic, I wasn't really going to the expect that one random person to slam on his brakes, was I?" in a court, the judge would laugh you out of the courtroom. I would far prefer someone like the OP on the roads than someone like you who obviously does not know the rules and cannot take responsibility for the control of his own car.
honeybunches88 5
Woah, calm down Kenny buddy. You clearly do not understand many things and I'm not going to explain them all to you. Good luck in life.
Emrysa 1
I totally agree with LilaBear, it is your responsibility to place a great enough distance between yourself and the car in front of you, so that if you need to come to an emergency stop, you can do so. As to "how far back do you have to drive from the car infront of you to avoid someone randomly slamming the brakes on the highway," most places that allow someone to drive have some sort of driving instruction book with basic suggestions as to the distance you should keep between yourself and the car in front of you, based upon driving location, speed, and distance. Most people have enough common sense to estimate a good distance, but clearly you don't, I suggest you use the book. As for your ignorant comment about rocks falling on your car, if a rock large enough to shatter your windshield hit your car, would your superhuman instincts prevent you from hitting the breaks, as you, with eyes wide open check for cracks in the glass as it falls into your eyes? Because I'm pretty sure you'd hit your breaks, and by your logic when the Semi behind you plows into your car and kills you, he can just go to court and be lick... uhhh... why should I expect someone to hit their breaks on the highway! That never happens. There's no way I could estimate a safe stopping distance. Inconceivable.
quickdog93 4
well it was. why the **** is your primary reaction to slam on the brakes??
XDBrittany1228 0
it was your fault tho...
kazzz23 0
I'm sorry to say but this made my LOL so hard. xD