Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
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Comments (204)
waswashere 0
how could you kill an innocent bird??? :'(
jayrub 0
brakes*
intheboot 0
why does everything say 3/2/11 on it? Today is the 1st, right?
wisericky 12
59, time machines are on sale bro get one before they run out!
waswashere 0
nah OP was just playing angry birds
Uscdrew1 7
MIGHTY EAGLE!
kktik 8
it is on Eastern time
dragonaair 5
59: Did you not learn about timezones?
waswashere 0
well I live in eastern time and I sent that at like 9 on 2/28
savvyjiggly11 0
p
GlobalElephant 16
Kamikaze!!!!!!!
a_girl_i_know 0
Nice husband you got there
docscientist 10
Well, it is her fault. But still a little traumatic.
Aakash04 0
damn yu r hot ! lol
Avenged7Gabe 0
it was not her fault retard
a_girl_i_know 0
yea, it wasn't her fault, it's a completely normal response to something unexpected crashing into your wind shield.
honeybunches88 5
Where in this FML does it say the bird flew in to her windshield? But I agree. Blame lies upon those who were following too closely, not OP.
docscientist 10
Yeah, it is, 40. Somehow, despite your insult, I'm certain I'm much smarter than you. Anyway, I don't slam on the brakes when a bird flies in front of me or something smacks into my windshield. You really shouldn't be driving if that's your reaction to something that barely even register in your field of vision. Hitting the brakes in general shouldn't be your instinctual reaction when you're "surprised."
WallyTheWombat 0
It's instinctual to hit the breaks when something crosses your car's path. What if it's a child? It's the other car's fault for following too closely, which is a moving vehicle violation btw.
oxAshleAxo 8
If something hit my windshield I'd be slamming on the breaks.... too bad for the poor dumbasses that were riding her ass.
BleakAsFcuk 0
Will you be slamming on lunch breaks or dinner breaks, 'Cus now I'm very confused, is slamming like a term for doing drugs? Should you be slamming at work?
docscientist 10
A child does not equal a bird... I've hit the brakes when a child ran out in front of my car, but never for a bird. I could see tapping the brakes instinctually, but full on slamming the brakes is often dangerous.
Prankster7o7 5
I could see slamming on the brakes for a deer or some sort of livestock, but a bird? Come on.
Aleys_fml 21
At the right speed it could do damage to the windshield. Plus it's a natural reaction to break when things are right in front of you.
SweetnessMallory 0
that really sucks. poor bird. It's not your fault because it scared you, but maybe you could have reacted differently rather than slamming on the breaks
mintcar 10
Tango, U MAD bro?
Emrysa 1
#43, your bridge called, they want to know where you've wandered off to.
RedPillSucks 33
Well, the people who ran into her were following too closely, so while she cause the accident, it wasn't totally her fault.
SweetnessMallory 0
I never said I felt more badly for the bird. of course I felt more badly for op. was it really that necessary to flip out over it?
RaaabbleRabble 0
Dude, calm down. when you see something splat on your windshield, the first instinct is to hit your brakes, whether or not that's a good thing. It just is. It sucks that OP inadvertently caused a car accident, but that's no reason to rage at some random person on the Internet. Click the YDI button like everyone else with that opinion and stop taking those steroids so you can chill out.
luke1998 0
whos tango
SweetnessMallory 0
I agree with 120
geminiwings87 0
Did you eat it? I mean it DID just give itself to you like that. From the sky, to your grill.
milkndstufff 7
why the hell would you eat a bird?
geminiwings87 0
tastes like chicken *shrugs*
Bobissmall 13
'cus chicken is tasty and chicken is a bird. Why eat any meat? It's nice...
milkndstufff 7
watever u say.
geminiwings87 0
he only eats milk and stuff :)
SarahStarzz 0
haha win
geminiwings87 0
Thank you Sarah ••••....'''''':::::-----...,,,,;;;;;:::'•••
milkndstufff 7
you dont make sense to me..you cant eat milk...and i dont c how thats a win.
Thanatos1206 0
Ever hear of dairy products that are made from milk? Like yogurt and butter?
milkndstufff 7
but then its not milk anymore...its yogurt and butter dumb shit
BleakAsFcuk 0
You sir, are stupid.
Bobissmall 13
The definition of "eat" is to consume food. Milk is counted as a food and therefore you can eat it.
MushyLuvsU 0
194: Why is Bob small? Oh how I wish I was as smart as you. D:
milkndstufff 7
no its not retard...wen someone asks you what u want to eat u dont say "milk please"...or you'd sound like an idiot
ArmedcrackerR6 8
Sometimes life can be a bitch.
bsgirls 0
ur a butch
Avenged7Gabe 0
your a retard who can't spell right
Thabb 0
Neither can you...
forthepainx3 0
92- you're*
DoctorDictator 0
The irony... You' re, you mean.
LADYGAGAGOOGA 0
spell well***
KVKdragon 26
wow, you have a mean husband. I do feel sorry for the bird but I still have to feel sorry for you. that would scare me as well if that happened to me. although, I would have pulled over to the side or something to calm down.
Avenged7Gabe 0
wow tango you are an ASSHOLE who probably thinks he's cool because he has a picture of fake abs
Uscdrew1 7
95, he probably expects people to think that's a real picture of him even when it's so obviously not. Am I the only one who think the "muscles" on that guy look like poop?
horseracingjocey 0
112 That is funny as HELL!! It made me scroll back up and look at the pic again. You are kind of right lol!!!
MushyLuvsU 0
Husband....? What?
MushyLuvsU 0
Husband...? What? O.o
BleakAsFcuk 0
I know right? What husband?
milkndstufff 7
why does your life suck? a life was lost. The bird died not you.
jess6blondie9 3
Exactly!
NickComo 4
Wow. Shut your mouth
Dewoe 18
yes but now the bird has no life, so it's life can't suck
Doortje 30
Well, who else is to blame? You're not blaming the bird, right?! The poor sucker had a terrible life, and it would be really wrong to judge him for choosing to take destiny in his own wings.
Emrysa 1
Um. The people behind her for following to close.
Emrysa 1
It is illegal to follow so closely behind someone that you don't have a chance to slam on your brakes. What if a child ran out in the road, or a deer was in the middle of the street? That's why that law is in place you stupid, ignorant, pox eaten, goat scrumping, moron. Yeah, she probably should have just plowed the bird, but the cars behind her are at fault. But clearly, #48, you're the kind of person who drives so far up someone's back end you can taste the fudge if you open your mouth.
Emrysa 1
So you're saying she rear-ended herself? Piss off troll.
KingDingALing 9
There's four reasons of why Tango is acting like that. A) He's on his period B) He has something shoved up his ass C) He's just plainly retarded D) Someone took his steroids away There's three things that he should do right now. A) Kill himself B) Kill himself And C) Jump off the top of the Empire State Building Go die. You're the most pathetic person in this world.
ashtonTS 0
Tango, I'd be mad too if I had a small penis...
allia118 11
Wow and this is how people communicate...this conversation should be a FML or rather a FTW.
JosherMan 0
How is it a for the win?
MrsFail 0
I love your response. :)
Calyx_fml 22
It is. Never brake for animals in traffic. You husband's an idiot for laughing though. Even if no one was hurt it's still going to cost him money to fix it and your insurance rates.
Emrysa 1
It's not. It's illegal to follow too close. If she got rear-ended, then the cars behind her are at fault. But you know, the next time I see a deer, I'll be sure to slam right into it.
CTVrhythmguitari 8
hey guys, my name's tango, and I think I'm a legit badass cause I swear at everyone! :D but truth is, I have no friends, so I yell at people on the Internet so they won't be around in person to **** me up! :D
ashtonTS 0
he probably has a tiny penis...just saying.
LilaBear 2
"Never brake for animals in traffic" Sorry, pretty sure that's just your opinion rather than the law or an actual driver's ed recommendation. Every recommendation I've heard is that you mustn't *swerve* for animals, but instead, you should just brake (how quickly would depend on the size of the animal and how much damage it might cause, and how much space you have between you and the animal). Eg. if a kangaroo or deer ran out right in front of you, you should slam on the brakes ASAP because hitting an animal that size could injure the occupants of the car, regardless of the traffic. But if it's just a little animal like a rat or something you could just go straight over the top of it because it's not going to hurt anyone.
Kallik 0
birds are scary as shit but you could've avoided hitting the cars. YDI
oxAshleAxo 8
she didn't hit any cars.. the cars rear ended her.