Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
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Comments (148)
donkey79 0
Unless you are a pirate then driving with a parrot on your shoulder is not allowed.
FMLsAreAwesome 0
Or Peter Griffin :D
Danny0522 8
OP is lucky she didn't die.
xcarxcrashx 9
Arrrrrgg matey!!
ohSNAPyall 27
Pirates don't need to watch where they're going. Half of them drive with the steering wheels in their laps. But arrrr, it drives them nuts!
runnamuk 6
I know it's probably obvious to everyone reading your post OP, but I still feel that it must be said: DUH! ARRRRRR you an idiot? Who would have thought that having a bird out of its cage in a moving car would be a bad idea? ANYONE WITH A BRAIN!
white16sox 19
So, you got bitch slapped by a parrot?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Good thing OP wasn't taking a child to the doctor's. What a dumbass. ydi 100%
cookeemonster 7
yes but OP wouldn't hAve a child on her shoulder would she?
Driveshaft 5
Cage?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Polly wants a motherfucking cracker!!
kamakazi1 5
Pfft. Women drivers, amirite? ...Right? Okay, I'll be on my way.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Their lap perhaps?! Are you and OP related by any chance?
ReesieBanana21 12
You learned the hard way. Parrots in your shoulder=Bad. *ashamed*
M0NK3Yz 2
now your the one that need to go to the vet ..
nava1210 12
*You're..I'm sorry..I'll leave
Axipiter 24
Don't leave. We need people to save the English language from further bastardization and eventual destruction.
jannielovesjack 0
*needs to go to the vet :)
MizzKilljoy69 11
I'm pretty sure PEOPLE don't go to the VET..
Axipiter 24
Unless they're bringing their pets there.
CyborgBanana 12
67 - Bullshit, my pet chimp is smart enough to take the bus to the vets... on his own. Dun, dun, duuun...
aziamn28 5
*... An ellipses has three full stops.
Spiral_Thoughts 19
*An ellipsis . . . Ellipses is the plural form.
tristanisgay 7
#92 spelled it right the first time.
Jiinxx 8
how about you all stfu?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Should have put the parrot in a cage while you were driving. What if you'd killed someone? YDI.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I wonder if the parrot died....
p3mguin 7
Yeah I hope the parrot is alright, as for op I could really care less...
p3mguin 7
Whatever lolololol, no I don't mean it but I'm sorta "animal lover" that i take this kind of seriously. Not enough to be a furry but not enough to be a vegan either.
fightinTXaggie 2
I mean, if the OP is so bad at driving that she swerved off the road and crashed into a tree instead of just slamming on the brakes because something was hitting her face, she deserved it big time and I would be happy if she was never on the road again.
Wolflover 9
I'm with you on that
cookeemonster 7
you're right 29, but maybe slamming on the breaks could've caused a large accident with multiple cars rear-ending each other, if OP was on a busy road. But I'm just gonna assume that OP was startle by the flapping in their face, and their reflexes kicked in and the swerved out of fright. could happen to anyone, who decided to play pirate in the car.
eatthemcows 4
Yeah, really. I have a parrot and I always put her in her travel cage when I take her to the vet. Parrots can be scared easily in such a way. Op is obviously not a very experienced or intelligent avian owner.
soldiermedic 2
Not really, think of it as the Darwin effect....
slimjim8094 12
99 - people following should be far enough back and attentive to be able to stop if the person in front has to make an emergency stop. Basic driving.
Hed_Hunter 2
You'd have to learn that lesson the hard way i guess..
Spiral_Thoughts 19
Yes, there is the word CAR in Caribbean, but . . . that doesn't mean you should be a pirate in a car.
onlychildFTW 34
Driving with pets on you lap, shoulders or on you in any way is very dangerous because when the animal isn't secured like a dog for example. Nothing stops it from going out the window or the airbag breaking its neck.
arsenicalhumor 30
#132 Driving with pets on YOUR lap **
the_smart_way 10
You drove your parrot? I hope you used a saddle, the little fellas hate bareback (no innuendo intended)
p3mguin 7
Hahahahaha, oh your a funny one. BARE BACK! Your the best!
Axipiter 24
*you're. In both instances. YOU'RE welcome.
CookieGirl4ever 13
Shit I put a comment here and realized it was wrong… you may down vote me now… v,_,v
Axipiter 24
I thumbed you up, just to be different.
p3mguin 7
Your awesome bro, thanks for correcting my grammar. Are you on you're iPod or computer?
Axipiter 24
iPhone. Pourquoi? PS I give up.
brohamas16 7
I've seen people have a little dog on their lap but a parrot?
Ghostlyness 7
Which is, of course, no better.
cookeemonster 7
YDI why drive with a parrot on your shoulder? you completely set yourself up for that one.
ohSNAPyall 27
Why? Because OP is a birdbrain. Or perhaps just a devoted parrothead.
Xcherrypie 16
Pirates would!
HighGTurn 12
That was pretty irresponsible, you could've killed someone. Idiot
perdix 31
Aha! Now we know why all those pirates wrecked their ships! That parrot-on-the-shoulder look is bad-ass, but I knew it would interfere with operating a vehicle!