Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML
Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You weren't leaglely at fault, so don't crow about your problems here. You're pigeon-holing yourself as whiny. Swallow your pride, tell your husband that he doesn't rule the rooster - toucan play this game. If he won't play wren you fight back, call him chicken. From heron out, you can be on the offensive. If he throws something at you, duck. Owl bet this strategy will work. Good luck!
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
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Comments (204)
kinga08 0
Awww, OP I'm so sorry! I completely understand the shock--when I first started driving I witnessed a woman driving in front of me lose control of her car, swirl around in circles across all three lanes of the highway and flip over by the time she got to the shoulder of the highway. Luckily I was far enough behind her to not get involved, but I had a panic attack and couldn't stop shaking and could no longer drive. Thank God my dad was in the car with me to continue driving! Next time, know slamming on the breaks is the worst thing you can do. Hopefully your insurance won't skyrocket.
jess6blondie9 3
I would have hit it and kept going.
maybeeiwill 11
and count to three to watch it fall in the rear view
jess6blondie9 3
Exactly. (:
NRA_advocate 5
couldn't have said it better myself
blackdog6969 0
true story, bird flew in front of my car as the chorus of Free Bird played on the radio. I had to pull over cuz I was crying laughing
jess6blondie9 3
Haha, that's funny.
Zebidee 9
Funny how that pilot that hit some birds and crashed his plane into the Hudson River is a hero, but when you do it...
Navith 13
Maybe the bird didn't commit suicide. Maybe you just committed homicide... even if it was accidental.
DocBastard 40
Homicide is killing of people. This would be what, aviacide? Birdocide?
rightsaidred 3
Avicide.
Uscdrew1 7
I sense fowl play.
jewels1877 0
Just because the bird committed suicide doesn't mean you have to try to, too.
Zmeilerr 22
Why the **** would you hit the brakes if there's a bird coming at your window? It's not like your going to crash.
fluffyzoe64 2
Totaled 3 other cars? That sucks, but what do you drive, a tank? Seriously.
lolitaababy 0
ahahahahahaha
HesJustTheBest 0
Damn birds, always wanting to play chicken. If I saw that bird coming I'd step on the accelerator and show that bitch who's boss.
jfknapp 0
If your slaming your brakes on for a bird, maybe you should ask yourself if you should be behind the wheel in the first place!!
TurboLCR 0
******* lol .... back luck though :(
intheboot 0
you totaled 3 cars because a bird flew into your car? sounds like its your fault and an FML for your husband and his new insurance premiums.